I Like Big Bus And I Can Not Lie

This woman is by far my favorite bus driver. It is only on her bus that you get peace and quiet. Give a listen to her "start of ride" announcement and you'll understand why.

Sorry about the sound quality...it is recorded on a bus after all.

Do It Live!

If you haven't seen it yet, here is Bill O'Reilly's Inside Edition Freakout (language not safe for work)



And here is the Steven Colbert response.

Lossed My Footing

A few months ago I warned my readers not to cut off their legs in order to gain an advantage in running races.

Now, I must look like a fool because the Court of Arbitration for Sport has ruled the IAAF are a bunch of idiots for determining that the non-legged had an advantage over the legged. (My own appeal to the CAS to create a Tallympics Games was sadly denied.)

So, if you want to get a leg up on the competition, stick your toe into this burgeoning field or sell your sole and stop worshiping the golden calf.

No, No, You Are A Snake

I checked my email this morning to find a message from...[drum roll, please]...

my ex's attorney! WTF?! JHC! LMTFA!

Subject: An Invitation from Douche B. Lawyer

I've changed his name for his protection. If you're reading this, DBL, you're welcome!

Upon opening the email, I was almost disappointed to find it was just SPAM for a website (which I'll not name since I wish to give them no exposure but it had the word "pimp" in it). His computer probably has some virus/trojan/malware that sent this crap to every person in his address book.

What a putz.

Myth: If It's On CNN It Must Be Correct

This article is entitled 6 Gas Saving Myths. I'll give kudos to the author for correcting some popular misconceptions but some of what he says is just wrong. Let's take a look.

#1. Fill your tank in the morning

Yep, this one is pure crap. The idea is that gas is colder in the morning and therefore more dense so you get more for your money which would be true if the temperature in the underground tank actually varied more than insignificantly during the day.

The best you can do is avoid filling up on hot days while or just after a tanker has unloaded it warm fuel.

#2. Change your air filter

I agree. On modern cars this is total crap.

#3. Use premium fuel

Again, agreed. If you car will run on regular, your just wasting money with premium.

#4. Pump up your tires

Uhm, let me come back to this one.

#5. To A/C or not A/C

Really the question is A/C vs. open windows. As he even states himself, turning of the A/C but not opening the windows will save you gas. It's just a question of comfort. (I'll take comfort, thanks.)

#6. Bolt-ons and pour-ins

Very good explanation here. These are all bull. The only alternative is a conspiracy of all gas and/or car producers. Anyone that believes that should have their tires slashed with Occam's Razor.

So, back to #4. Here's what the author says:

According to on-the-road driving tests by both Consumer Reports and auto information site Edmunds.com, underinflated tires reduce fuel economy, so proper inflation is key.

But you should never over-inflate your tires. They'll get you slightly better fuel economy because there will be less tread touching the road, reducing friction. But that means less grip for braking and turning. The added risk of a crash isn't worth the extra mile a gallon you might gain.

My first issue is that he is clearly stating (correctly) that increasing your tire pressure will improve mileage even though the "myth" is that pumping up your tires won't increase your mileage. WTF?

But let's say that his point is simply that it's not worth the risk because you have less traction. That would be a great point if it wasn't wrong.

Pumping up your tires decrease the rolling friction of your tires, not the gripping friction (traction). Here's the introductory physics that show this. Suppose your car weighs 3600# and your tires are inflated to 30psi. For simplicity, assume ideal tires. you therefore have 3600/30 (pounds/pounds/inch^2) = 120 inch^2 of tire contacting the road. Each square inch supports 30 lbs.

If you pump the tires up to 40psi then you'd now have only 3600/40 = 90 inch^2 of tire contacting the road but each square inch supports 40 lbs! Your overall amount of traction remains the same!

OK. Physics lesson over. The downsides to pumping up your tires are: harder ride, louder ride. If you pump them over the safe limit then you have safety issues. Don't do that! Also, underinflated tires increase rolling friction which could overheat your tires causing them to fail. Don't do that either!

I was hoping to have some data on my experiment with higher tire pressures but I want to wait until I get down to half a tank before filling back up and that is taking much longer than usual.

And For Your Hair Stylist - Barberella!

It rained all day today. All I could think about was, "If I had to go outside, how would I solve the inversion problem of a regular umbrella?" I'm sure you think the same.

Well think no more! This company has turned around the concept (and letters) of the umbrella to create the nubrella!

Oh, wait, that would be mubrella. But that sounds like it would be useful only for the bovine.

When you watch the video on the company website, you'll probably wonder, "Why are people wearing this thing when it isn't raining?" or "Why don't the pictures match the announcer's description?" or "Did Jay make this video?" [I assure I did not.]

I can't figure out if the inspiration for this came from Maxwell Smart's 'Cone of Silence' or perhaps the Sontaran helmet.

Don't be left behind. Give yourself the freedom you deserve.
Join the next generation!

If You Like P*nis Cheladas

Way back when, I posted about the horrific Budweiser Chelada. One reader (of about three) was dumb nice enough to go out and get some and smart enough to pawn it off on someone else. Here, dear readers, is her story:

DeborahSmith said...

There was no way I could ever bring myself to consume such liquid but my Dad had been saying that the young guys he worked with would drink anything. So... I gave it to my Dad and said the only catch was I wanted to hear what they thought of it. They told my Dad that he better never do anything like that to them again. They couldn't believe how terrible it tasted. It met all their criteria too because it was alcohol and on top of that it was free.

"Those guys" criteria for drinkin':

• alcohol - check!
• free - check!

Similarly, "those guys" criteria for sexin':

• boobs - check!
• free - check!

That works for them most of the time, until they have their own, personal Crying Game. Then it's:

• free - check!
• no penis* - check!

These are the kind of guys that long for a simpler time.

Around 15,000 BC.

* - or substitute a dress or boobs and lots of alcohol