I'm Trying To Be Less Pedantic. How Do I Explain That?

Ring!

Ring! (I don't recognize this number)

Me: Hello?
Caller: Jess. I yam colling to say my son, he is sick and will no be at school today.
Me: I'm sorry. You have the wrong number. And I hope your son gets well soon.
Caller: Dis no is the school?
Me: Sorry, no. I'm a little pedantic if that helps.
Caller: Little wha?
Me: Nevermind. I'm not the school. Good-bye.


3 minutes later

Ring!

Ring! (Ugh, same caller)

Me: You still have the wrong number.
Caller: Dis no is the school?
Me: You...have...the...wrong...number.
Caller: Oh.


Then I left for work. Don't know if she called back again. For my sake, I hope your son is never sick again.

Billy Mays Could Sell It

"What is a pedoflop?" asks the commercial on TV.

Someone incapable of hooking up with the kiddies?

"You can simulate the Big Bang," continues the TV commercial.

What is this product? Virtual reality molestation software?

Maybe I'll just turn the TV off instead of half paying attention.

Break Out Your Merkins

Here are some quotes from an article. It seems pretty clear what they must be talking about.

"In New Jersey especially, where the government has been picking our pockets for so long, it was like, 'Just stay out of our pants, will you?"'

In a letter to the board, Szuchman says he won't support the ban, and since his office oversees the board, the ban would never be approved.

"Many commenters have noted that the procedure can be safely performed. I, therefore, believe that there are alternate means to address any public health issues identified by the board," Szuchman wrote the board. He encouraged the board to "to begin an immediate review of the training necessary to safely provide this service, and to establish appropriate protocols and safeguards."

The ban was considered after the women complained to the board about their injuries; one woman filed a lawsuit.

No other state is known to explicitly ban the procedure

[They] worried that customers would travel across state lines to get the [...] procedure

Yes, yes, New Jersey tried to stay true to its roots and continue being known as "The Big Hair State" by banning the Brazilian Wax but the proposal has been pulled.

Fear not New Jersey Shore lovers! You won't being staring at any Bozo-bikini lines or "The Fro Down Below". No ladies, you have no excuse not to look like 9 year-old girls (7, if they drink hormone-rich milk).

Belated 18th Birthday Present?

One of the interesting features of the new Google Voice is that it has automatic transcription of voice messages. I've been waiting for someone to call and leave a message so I could test it out.

Tonight my dad called while I was in the bathroom. Here's the transcript:

hi jason and say hi and let you know you maybe getting laid emails from cousin on drew hey bobby it's bobby to you soon he's gonna be running a marathon site all maybe send you an email maybe have some tax forms so if you get it i know you do on the we don't open up any stuff but because mantle bobby maybe you will open it talk to you later bye

How many of your dads call to let you know you may be getting laid? Yeah, I didn't think so.

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