If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Monday, August 31, 2009

New Yak City

This was intended to be sung to the same tune as the FCR - New Car commercial. (BTW - if what you really want is your free credit report go to the government credit report site where they don't make you enroll is some crap you don't need.)

Do not read if you feel queasy!

We were riding on the subway
down to High Line Park
Started out standing 'til I found
a place for my ass to park.

At Penn Station
the seat next to me
which previously had been taken
was now completely free.

Turned around and then
I turned right back.
A guy was sittin' there
and he began to yak.

that spells "beer".
What was coming out of him
was golden-ish and clear.

It was shooting out
like from a fire hose.
Coming out his mouth
and also through his nose.

But that's not the worst part
about the emetic.
I found the woman I was with, well,
she was sittin' in it!

Jumped off the train
and we ran;
up and down the street
looking for a public can.

At Mickey D's,
I bought a drink;
so she could use the bathroom
and wash her shorts in the sink.

And, no, I'm not lookin'
for any pity.
It's just another day
in New York City.

BTW - the new High Line Park is quite nice.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

I'm Running Without A Shirt And All The Women Are Getting Wet

This post brought to you live and in the nude by Fiber One (click for a free sample)! If you're still reading I'll assume you don't have a very vivid imagination.

I ran Central Park this morning in the rain. I normally would have waited for tomorrow when the chance of rain is 50% (and now that I just checked it is 0%) but I will likely be doing something more interesting than running.

What kind of people run in the rain? Anecdotally, I saw more fit people (I assume the less fit use any excuse to stay home). Also, more men, about a 5:1 ratio of sausages to buns (vs. about a 3:1 ratio in good weather). Almost no bikers (who aren't ever running but I'm expanding things to "exercise in the rain") and one lone rollerblader. Overall, for the runners, I'd say there were about 50-75% of the normal number.

I planned to run about 6.5 miles but I didn't because I didn't want to walk home in the rain.

So I ended up running 7 miles.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Bouley Vous Coucher Avec Moi Ce Soir

Friday night I had a really nice meal at Bouley. Pre-first course was a delicious (I'm going to run out of adjectives, I can see that already) cauliflower mousse-y thing with caviar, heirloom tomatoes and 25 year-old balsamic vinegar.
Appetizers (there's two of everything because my date and I are sharing) were a wonderful shrimp and scallop something and the ethereal Porcini/Crab Flan.
Main dishes were a, frankly, less than stunning (and let's face it, everything should be stunning) duck and scrumptious monkfish a la chop suey (don't let the name throw you; yuou must get this dish!)
Last time I ate here, I was so full by this time that a dessert was split. This time I was still hungry; a bit worried I might not have enough to eat (ha!) so we ordered two desserts. A pear dish (which was great even though I don't really like pears) and the incomparable orgasmic chocolate frivolous (six miniature chocolate desserts in one).
Before they came out, we had what I assume was a palate cleanser of yogurt with some pineapple syrup or who knows. It could have passed as a light dessert.
These were followed by our desserts and also a couple of ounces of a yummy (see? out of adjectives) dessert wine...and a complementary coconut creme brulee which my date sampled but she had reached full capacity and I polished it off. ANd then I was full.
Then came the tray of truffles and petit fours. No mercy! Thankfully, they packed those up for us and we ate them for breakfast the next day.
Along with the lemon cake (about half the size of a pound cake) they hand you as leave.
Drool. Drool. Drool.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

What WIll It Take To Kill This Story?

Eunice Shriver, founder of the Special Olympics and sister of JFK, is dead at the age of...WAIT! Breaking news! I've just received word that Michael Jackson is still dead. Yes, a month after dying, Jacko is still flat on his backo.

And now back to our regular story: Where is Michael Jackson's brain?

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

I'd Prefer If They Came In "Gecko"

Sorry. No NYC Weekend Update for this past weekend. It was spent mostly doing the unbloggable.

But to make up for that I bring you the coolest, Zola Budd-iest shoes ever.
Available only in Men's sizes (Euro 42-46, whatever they are. Sorry Zola!) they are excellent for manly pursuits such as "Yoga and Pilates". I have also heard the CIA uses them in Cambodia (I assume for Yoga as Pilates is already passé in Angkor Wat).