If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Mr. Cleo

Browsing through the Jan. 9 issue of BusinessWeek I decided it was time for some predictions.

  • Sony will introduce a new eBook reader that will sell for an estimated $300-$500. Prediction: This will be a total flop.
  • There is an article about whether the Dow should ditch GM as part of the DJIA. Prediction: Who cares? The DJIA probably has the highest "most followed/useful information" of anything I can think of.
  • Intel's reinvention will do little to help its bottom line. It looks like a horrible combination of envelope #1 (blame your predecessor) and envelope #2 (reorganize!) at the same time. At the bottom of page 54, new Intel CEO Paul Otellini is asked if he will have a motto as former CEO Andy Grove did. He answers that Grove came up with his after 5 or 6 years on the job and to come back and ask him them. Prediction: Dream on, Paul. 2010 will not find you working at Intel.

Feliz Ano Nuevo

I was thinking about going into Times Square for New Years but the weather looks quite crappy. I could deal with standing around in the rain/snow for a few hours but I dread the long drive home on slick roads. Maybe next year.

Happy New Year!

Monday, December 26, 2005

Stick A F%%k* In Me

I had all I can stands, I can't stands no more. I've been trying to read Dianetics which is, at least to some extent, the basis for Scientology. If I had to read one more time about how some bulls**t he writes has been proven "in every case" without showing one iota of evidence (unless you want to count repeating the same thing over and over) I'd scream.

Dianetics is "The Modern Science of Mental Health." People love that word "modern". Not like that old, crazy crap; here's some new crazy crap! Science without evidence is called religion, like Intelligent Design. Actually, if you just flip through the book you will find that it really is old crap. Some of the oldest crap in the world: the art of separating people from their money. There are solicitations for Dianetics Extension Courses, Dianetics on cassette, More Dianetics information with a free "Tone Scale Slide Chart" and a free, $30 value, Personal Achievement Profile with Computerized Analysis!

* - That's fork, btw.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Haven't Seen That Before

Wash up people! The Hubble telescope has spotted new rings around Uranus.

This Is Broken

If you were going to publish an article about the horrors of how easily children can be sucked into the world of child p**n via the use of an inexpensive webcam, what would be the last item you would want to advertise next to it?

Thursday, December 22, 2005

What To Do When You Can't Do Anything

I tried to work from home today but I have no energy. So I've been watching CNBC for most of the day (like yesterday). Apparently, they recently changed some of their format. For the most part, it is inconsequential. I do like that the ticker now has company names in addition to stock symbols. But with all good must come bad. They added the most annoying sound effects ever. If you've watched in the last few days you know what I'm talking about. When they show a graphic of current stock price, currency rate, etc. While the graphic is up, the sound is made every time a price changes which is generally non-stop. Bleep-glglglglglglg. Bleep-glglglglglg. How could anyone possibly think this was a good idea?

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Illness Update

Not long after my last post I was able to get down I tiny bowl of cereal. Around noon, Uncle Ralph decided I wasn't ready for digestion. Through 8pm I was able to drink 3 large glasses of peppermint tea. Then I got a piece of plain toast down (woohoo!) and around 9 I had a bagel with a bare hint of cream cheese.

My big question now is where did I pick this bug up? I wonder if anyone else at work was sick.

Kicked in the Head with an Iron Boot

Uncle Ralph came to visit me. He stopped by around 10:30 last night and woke me every hour until 5:30. I told him after the second time that I'd had enough of him and needed to sleep but he kept insisting that I worship his girlfriend, Porcelain. Finally around 6 I got back to sleep but it's a bright sunny day and I couldn't sleep past 9. I need to get some Gatorade or something but the thought of walking through a supermarket, ugh.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Pick Your Nose Like Nobody's Watchin'

Don't know why but Netflix just lowered their 3 out-at-a-time plan to $16.99 "in your area". This was well timed to compensate for the several scratched/cracked discs I've received recently (one had food stuck to it but at least it played). And postage is about to go up to $0.39.

Still no Aardvark'd DVD though. :(

Time Keeps On Slippin' Slippin' Slippin'

The hottest news story (and by "hot" I mean "dumb") is that some websites have appeared that let you send an e-mail in the future. I've sent the following to myself 20 years from now:

What the f**k where you thinking when you sent this?

And in other news we had our company (well, our group in the company) holiday "party" yesterday. I haven't seen anything so lame since that one-legged dog. Honestly, I think people would be happier with some pizza and beer.

Monday, December 19, 2005

What Does Tom Cruise Think About Karma?

After disc golf yesterday, when I got home I realized I had lost my house key. Not a huge deal since I can get in through the garage but I went back and retraced my steps and the off chance I might find it. I did not but while looking I found another disc. Now I have two discs and they have specific purposes. The red one is used for throwing onto green grass and the green one is for, well, when I lose the red one. (For the record, I don't believe in Karma.)

I'm about 1/3 of the way through Dianetics. I'm not far enough where I feel comfortable insulting the people who follow it, yet. Stay tuned.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Only in New York

Thanks to my sis for sending me these pics.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Fun With Bananas

I picked up Dianetics last night and have read through a small portion of it. I'm trying a new, quick reading technique where I only look at every sixth word and rely on my peripheral vision to see the others nearby. Here's what I've gleaned about Dianetics:
Dianetics divides into four tones or types (0-3).

  • Type 0 is near death.
  • Type 1 you have your whole life. No cookies, cake or candy allowed unless the are clear.
  • Type 2 occurs later in life and is usually associated with weight gain.
  • Type 3 I didn't quite catch. I think it means you're both a type 1 and a type 2 (1+2=3) Dianetic.
I guess the second half of the book will explain how this relates to Scientology.

Ah, The Wee Ones

This recent post at The Sneeze was quite funny. I think if you have kids it'll be more interesting but more/less funny depending on how old your kids are (i.e. how recently they destroyed something you spent a lot of money on).

Which brings up this recent story about my nephews. My parents were babysitting (my nephews are 7 and 11 years old, I think) and my dad finally got my nephews to go to bed sometime after 11. This was, of course, after much discussion about how "Mom always lets us stay up this late" etc. , etc. You were a kid, you know the drill. My dad was a kid too--off to bed they went.

Not much later my dad grew suspicious at the complete and utter lack of noise coming from their rooms. He checked one room and found nobody there. He checked the other and saw that they were both quietly asleep in the top bunk. Too quiet. On closer inspection, my nephews turned out to have coconut heads anbd pillow bodies. My dad found them in another room playing some video game. "Did you think you could fool me?" he asked them. "We already did," was the reply.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I Feel So Pampered At Work

Got an email from one of our support groups this morning about something they screwed up. The ended the email with this line:

I apologize for any problems or incontinences this may have caused.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Doug Henning Post

I just finished reading the Harry Turtledove trilogy: The Great War (American Front, Walk in Hell and Breakthroughs). It is an alternate history of World War I based on the South having won the Civil War (which was another book he wrote but I have not read). I quite liked it but not for the normal reasons I would like a book.

  1. I found the whole idea interesting. Previously, I didn't even know there was such a genre as Alternate History.
  2. There were so many storylines (maybe 20) going on at once. Each would be told for handful of pages and then off to the next one. It took some amount of effort to keep track of each one.
  3. It reads very much like a documentary (or 20) as opposed to some contrived mystery. (Well, for the most part, not too contrived.)
  4. It was just so long. Almost like a war just getting through it. :)
This trilogy is not for you if you are looking for deep character development. Nor if you are looking for a happy ending (it's a freakin' war for crying out loud). I will also note that the word p*nis is used in the book.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

It's a Sad, Sad, Sad, Sad World

ON my way to work this morning I got stuck behind a school bus. As I drove behind it we appoched a girl who started running in the direction of the bus stop (which was about 0.2 miles down the road). For a split second I thought about pulling over and giving her a lift to the bus which she would obviously miss. I rejected stopping since I didn't expect she would take the offer and I might expect a visit from the police later for trying to lure a young girl into my car.
When the bus finally got to the bus stop and picked up the kids, I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the girl still valiantly running for the bus. Perhaps she was hoping the bus would miss the light on the corner. She didn't stop until the bus turned the corner.

It's a f**ked up world when you can't help someone.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Just Wondering

Do vegans get flu shots?

BTW - I decided to get one this year. I will update on my reaction, if any, tomorrow.

Calling All Netflix'ers

I'd like to give a glowing review of the documentary, Aardvark'd, but I haven't seen it. (Although I read about it at News.com.) I'd like to see it but since it's not available on Netflix so it might as well not exist. That's where you come in, assuming you have a Netflix account (and, come on, who doesn't these days, right?) Even if you don't want to see it, if you could request it from Netflix I would certainly be grateful.

The Early Post

I pretty much have three levels of sleeping at night.

  1. Sleep about 8 hours (11p-7a) maybe with a bathroom break thrown in.
  2. Sleep about 6 hours (11p-5a) and unable to get back to sleep.
  3. Catch 30-60 minutes sleep two or three times during the night.
Last night was a level 2. As I tried to get back to sleep I had that feeling like I had left the house and forgotten to turn off the oven or some such thing. (Of course, this was not the case.) Guess you might call that a micro-mini-panic attack, just enough to keep me awake. But all is not bad, there was no traffic at all this morning (not that what I drive through could be considered traffic at any time) and I got great parking spot (which I will be vacating extra early).

Monday, December 05, 2005

Flu Be Or Not Flu Be

My company is offering flu shots this year. I haven't had one in 10-15 years. Every time I've had one in the past I get what I'd call a low level flu (the CDC calls it "side effects") with a fever around 100-101, tiredness and generally feeling like crap.

In the years since I haven't gotten the shot, I've caught the flu maybe twice and was miserable for about a week.

Overall it probably is about even in terms of DOMs (days of misery). Not sure what I'll do.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

More Fore!

Played some more disc golf yesterday and today. Cold both days (in the 30's). Snow on the ground today (about 2-3 inches). Sometimes that was good as it made my red disc easy to spot. Sometimes it was bad, when my disc disappeared underneath it. First par today on a lucky throw of about 40 feet. Got another par a couple holes later. I probably cut 10 throws off yesterday's score.

I was hoping to try out the recipe called Paul's Paella (don't be fooled by the name, it bares only a passing resemblance to actual paella). It's not worth driving on slick roads to get the ingredients. Maybe next weekend.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Yet Another Quiz

According to this quiz, I'm a left/libertarian leaning centrist. That sounds pretty good to me.

Clip And Save

Suppose you opened up a pint of ice cream (brand new), scooped some out and sat down to eat it. While eating, you happen upon something irregular. Upon spitting it out it appears to be a fingernail clipping (or perhaps a toenail clipping). What would you do?

I finished eating the ice cream.