If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Friday, May 30, 2008

A Hulihee? Are You Kidding Me?

Here's the thing about 6 billion people. Every time you think of an idea, even a bad idea, someone else is already doing it to the nth degree.

This Is My Pudding

Four weeks ago I posted this about hypermiling. For a short time I tried the non-powered gliding (auto-stop) but that just seemed f*cking crazy. Lately, I'll just turn off my car at a long red light. I assume my tires are still near 40psi. My driving has been nearly identical otherwise (where I go, how often, speed and whatnot).

Today I filled up. 13.1 gallons. 332 miles. That equates to 25.3 mpg. Compare that to the 22.7 I had in my previous post. An increase of over 11%.

And please, no more discussion about traction unless you have a degree in Physics.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Using More Than Just His $0.05's

Sometimes when you open a bank account online, you can verify things instantly by entering a current bank account and allowing the new bank to make a couple "micro-deposits" (<$1) into it. You enter the amount of these deposits and you're verified.

Did you ever wonder just how much money you could make this way? Well, wonder no more.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Is That A Banana On Your Pop-Tart Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

This whole thing started when a friend stated at lunch that he used to eat Pop-Tarts with butter on them and, of course, I had to try it out. (I'm still working on finding a Chelada and by "work" I mean if I happen to see that crap, I'll buy it.) But I couldn't just stop at butter, oh, no. That would not do. So, without further ado, here they are.

Eight Toppings for an Unfrosted Strawberry Pop-Tart

  1. Butter - Unexciting. Tastes exactly as you'd think; a buttery Pop-Tart. At best it gives it a more "homemade" quality.
  2. Peanut Butter - This would seem to have a huge potential but there just isn't enough filling to counter balance the peanut butter.
  3. Cream Cheese - Based on the peanut butter results, I went with a shmear of cream cheese and that worked out quite nicely. They actually make a similar Tart.
  4. Maple Syrup - I thought this would be horrible and overly sweet. Well, it was pretty sweet but not horrible. I had one with a couple scrambled eggs...kind of like a pancake. Here's a tip: put the Pop-Tart upside-down so it will hold the syrup better.
  5. Ham - If you are wondering, "Ham?! WTF are you thinking?!" then you've probably never had or even seen a Monte Cristo sandwich which is normally a ham, turkey and cheese sandwich, fried and served with jam (at least at Bennigan's). Maybe I used the wrong kind of ham or maybe because I didn't have cheese or turkey but this was boring. I couldn't even taste the ham. Oh, well.
  6. Banana - Winner! This was fantastic. It wasn't easy keeping the banana on the the Tart but otherwise this gets the big thumbs up.
  7. PB&J - Another winner! Now I'm on a roll. A Pop-Tart roll! Ugh. The extra jam countered my glob-o-peanut butter. Why don't they make a PB&J Pop-Tart?
  8. Cereal - I broke up a Tart and layered it on top of this morning's bowl-o-goodness featuring Quaker Shredded Oats, Life and Raisin Bran. Not bad (it didn't make me vomit) but nothing to write a blog post about. Oops.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I Like Big Bus And I Can Not Lie

This woman is by far my favorite bus driver. It is only on her bus that you get peace and quiet. Give a listen to her "start of ride" announcement and you'll understand why.

Sorry about the sound quality...it is recorded on a bus after all.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Do It Live!

If you haven't seen it yet, here is Bill O'Reilly's Inside Edition Freakout (language not safe for work)

And here is the Steven Colbert response.

Lossed My Footing

A few months ago I warned my readers not to cut off their legs in order to gain an advantage in running races.

Now, I must look like a fool because the Court of Arbitration for Sport has ruled the IAAF are a bunch of idiots for determining that the non-legged had an advantage over the legged. (My own appeal to the CAS to create a Tallympics Games was sadly denied.)

So, if you want to get a leg up on the competition, stick your toe into this burgeoning field or sell your sole and stop worshiping the golden calf.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

No, No, You Are A Snake

I checked my email this morning to find a message from...[drum roll, please]...

my ex's attorney! WTF?! JHC! LMTFA!

Subject: An Invitation from Douche B. Lawyer
I've changed his name for his protection. If you're reading this, DBL, you're welcome!

Upon opening the email, I was almost disappointed to find it was just SPAM for a website (which I'll not name since I wish to give them no exposure but it had the word "pimp" in it). His computer probably has some virus/trojan/malware that sent this crap to every person in his address book.

What a putz.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Myth: If It's On CNN It Must Be Correct

This article is entitled 6 Gas Saving Myths. I'll give kudos to the author for correcting some popular misconceptions but some of what he says is just wrong. Let's take a look.

#1. Fill your tank in the morning

Yep, this one is pure crap. The idea is that gas is colder in the morning and therefore more dense so you get more for your money which would be true if the temperature in the underground tank actually varied more than insignificantly during the day.

The best you can do is avoid filling up on hot days while or just after a tanker has unloaded it warm fuel.

#2. Change your air filter

I agree. On modern cars this is total crap.

#3. Use premium fuel

Again, agreed. If you car will run on regular, your just wasting money with premium.

#4. Pump up your tires

Uhm, let me come back to this one.

#5. To A/C or not A/C

Really the question is A/C vs. open windows. As he even states himself, turning of the A/C but not opening the windows will save you gas. It's just a question of comfort. (I'll take comfort, thanks.)

#6. Bolt-ons and pour-ins

Very good explanation here. These are all bull. The only alternative is a conspiracy of all gas and/or car producers. Anyone that believes that should have their tires slashed with Occam's Razor.

So, back to #4. Here's what the author says:
According to on-the-road driving tests by both Consumer Reports and auto information site Edmunds.com, underinflated tires reduce fuel economy, so proper inflation is key.

But you should never over-inflate your tires. They'll get you slightly better fuel economy because there will be less tread touching the road, reducing friction. But that means less grip for braking and turning. The added risk of a crash isn't worth the extra mile a gallon you might gain.
My first issue is that he is clearly stating (correctly) that increasing your tire pressure will improve mileage even though the "myth" is that pumping up your tires won't increase your mileage. WTF?

But let's say that his point is simply that it's not worth the risk because you have less traction. That would be a great point if it wasn't wrong.

Pumping up your tires decrease the rolling friction of your tires, not the gripping friction (traction). Here's the introductory physics that show this. Suppose your car weighs 3600# and your tires are inflated to 30psi. For simplicity, assume ideal tires. you therefore have 3600/30 (pounds/pounds/inch^2) = 120 inch^2 of tire contacting the road. Each square inch supports 30 lbs.

If you pump the tires up to 40psi then you'd now have only 3600/40 = 90 inch^2 of tire contacting the road but each square inch supports 40 lbs! Your overall amount of traction remains the same!

OK. Physics lesson over. The downsides to pumping up your tires are: harder ride, louder ride. If you pump them over the safe limit then you have safety issues. Don't do that! Also, underinflated tires increase rolling friction which could overheat your tires causing them to fail. Don't do that either!

I was hoping to have some data on my experiment with higher tire pressures but I want to wait until I get down to half a tank before filling back up and that is taking much longer than usual.

Friday, May 09, 2008

And For Your Hair Stylist - Barberella!

It rained all day today. All I could think about was, "If I had to go outside, how would I solve the inversion problem of a regular umbrella?" I'm sure you think the same.

Well think no more! This company has turned around the concept (and letters) of the umbrella to create the nubrella!

Oh, wait, that would be mubrella. But that sounds like it would be useful only for the bovine.

When you watch the video on the company website, you'll probably wonder, "Why are people wearing this thing when it isn't raining?" or "Why don't the pictures match the announcer's description?" or "Did Jay make this video?" [I assure I did not.]

I can't figure out if the inspiration for this came from Maxwell Smart's 'Cone of Silence' or perhaps the Sontaran helmet.

Don't be left behind. Give yourself the freedom you deserve.
Join the next generation!

Thursday, May 08, 2008

If You Like P*nis Cheladas

Way back when, I posted about the horrific Budweiser Chelada. One reader (of about three) was dumb nice enough to go out and get some and smart enough to pawn it off on someone else. Here, dear readers, is her story:

DeborahSmith said...

There was no way I could ever bring myself to consume such liquid but my Dad had been saying that the young guys he worked with would drink anything. So... I gave it to my Dad and said the only catch was I wanted to hear what they thought of it. They told my Dad that he better never do anything like that to them again. They couldn't believe how terrible it tasted. It met all their criteria too because it was alcohol and on top of that it was free.
"Those guys" criteria for drinkin':
  • alcohol - check!
  • free - check!
Similarly, "those guys" criteria for sexin':
  • boobs - check!
  • free - check!
That works for them most of the time, until they have their own, personal Crying Game. Then it's:
  • free - check!
  • no penis* - check!
These are the kind of guys that long for a simpler time.

Around 15,000 BC.

* - or substitute a dress or boobs and lots of alcohol

Sunday, May 04, 2008

I Bet She Wears A Digital Watch

Don't they have fact checkers who could Google odd stuff like this? Even my nephews know better than this. Even Todd has heard of Odd Steven.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Drive Me Crazy

Since none of my readers had ever heard of "Rickrolling" before, I'm going to assume that you've also never heard of "hypermiling". Let me explain.

No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

Basically hypermiling is a group of semi-sane, insane and "stick-your-Johnson-in-a-jar-of-Planter's" (f*cking nuts) ideas for drastically increasing your cars mileage. Can anybody explain why this is suddenly becoming popular?

Yes. You there in the first row with the pile of cashews in your lap. What do you think? High gas prices? Yes, very good. I would have also accepted, "Bush is an idiot."

Just two days ago I filled my tank and averaged 22.7 mpg. I'll be doing pretty much the same kind of driving for the next tank so we can see if there's a difference.

The Plan

Pretty much all my driving is city driving so my options are limited. First, I pumped up my tires. My tires say the max is 44 psi. I decided to go to 40 psi but only because the pump I have at home is very slow and it would defeat the whole purpose if I drove somewhere else to pump them up. I'd consider 44 semi-sane. 40 is totally sane (and semi-lazy).

I also started implementing the "auto-stop". This definitely fits in the filbert-fornication category. There are two to four places (depending on the direction) I can do this during my commute. On the way home yesterday I tried it three times.

The first was on the exit hill from work. With no other cars around, that went pretty well.

The second was at the always backed up "T" intersection. Even though there were cars, this is completely straight and worked well (and by "well" I mean I didn't rear end anybody).

The third was the long Garp-like coast to my garage. This is curvy and requires a left hand turn. Without the engine running, the power steering quickly goes away and steering is a difficult two-hand job but I made it to the garage entrance. Unfortunately, my opener is too slow and/or my remote doesn't work from far enough away so I had to restart my engine to actually get inside the garage.

You also lose your power brakes (so stomp the sh*t out of them). Given the danger, you'd have to be a complete idiot to do this kind of thing...ever.

So, I'll see how it goes for a tank.