If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Monday, November 28, 2005

M'eye Oh M'eye

This'll have to be quick because it is actually making me nauseous to look at the computer right now.

I just got back from the eye doctor where they had to do the dilation thing. It looks a little freaky.

If you look at the big version of the picture very closely, you can see the camera reflected in my eye.

Twilight Zone Moment

Driving in to work this morning I noticed that there was almost nobody else on the road. I actually checked my watch to see if maybe the week off had confused me and it wasn't a work day. Nope, it was Monday.

Then I heard a voice in my head that explained things. It was the radio. Deer hunting season opens today. Ah.

Sunday, November 27, 2005


Here's the description from Yahoo's TV listing for tonights football game.

The 2-8 Saints travel to East Rutherford to take on the struggling Jets.
Oh boy! I can't wait! :/

Friday, November 18, 2005

The Right Stuff

Thanksgiving approaches and I wanted to share this tidbit from a wine tasting class I took. One of the wines we tasted was a gerwertztraminer (I think it's pronounced geh-VERTS-tra-meen-er). I did not like it as it has a somewhat grapefruit-y flavor. Our instructor advised us that he thinks this wine goes perfectly with roast turkey. (He did not say anything about Tofurky so you are on your own there.)
Well, despite not liking the wine in the first place, I got it anyway one year and damn if I didn't like it. Maybe because it was a different brand, maybe my tastes had changed, maybe it's psychological or maybe, just maybe, it just goes well with turkey. I don't know but I'm getting a bottle or two for this year's feast.
Speaking of which, I'm heading to the land of warmth and sunshine to be with my family for the holiday. They had phone service for a few days but they are out again so don't expect to see me until after Thanksgiving.

I wish all my friends, a wonderful and Happy Thanksgiving.

For the Birds

I was watching a movie last night. It was not good movie but it was bad for all the wrong reasons. This movie seemed to have so much potential. It was killing me to watch a good basic premise being butchered by mainly poor directing and poor writing. I am talking about A Murder of Crows.

This movie begs, no, pleads, no, implores, no, no, begs was right, I should have stuck with begs. What was my point? Oh, this movie needs to be re-made. It needs someone who knows how to write and direct. It needs a "plot massage" to fill some of the holes. It needs some TLC. It is not that far from being a really good movie. What a shame.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

You're Dead

Take one young man (a history of trouble is helpful)
Add two dead bodies.
Stir in a potential kidnapping of the secret ingredient Young, White Girl.
Shake well.

The resulting media cocktail will overflow, no trial necessary, conviction predetermined.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Dr. Ruth is Pissed

Is it just me or do some of the translations of would-be Radisson bomber Sajida Mubarak Atrous al-Rishawi make it sound like she's complaining that her husband exploded before she did and left her unsatisfied yet again?

And a funny quote by the narrator about Foxy Brown (I think that's her name) on Drawn Together.

Looks like Foxy's got herself in a pickle...instead of the other way around.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Not That Golf

While hiking around the woods near my home I discovered a Frisbee Disc Golf course tucked away there. So today I grabbed my two frisbees that I have and headed out. My goal: find every hole. I am happy to report I met my goal.

I happened by a few other people playing. Each felt the need to tell me that there are special golfing discs that fly further, straighter, through trees or what-have-you. I was very cordial and thanked them all. I ended up playing the last 12 holes with a couple college guys. Without them I would likely not have found all the holes. Overall, I played okay, given that I was using the "wrong" discs. :)

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Go On, Scat!

Let me see if I've got this straight. This guy who is recovering from bypass surgery is shopping at Home Depot. He goes into this public restroom and sits on the toilet. He does not notice that there is glue/liquid/etc. before sitting. He does not wipe the seat before sitting. He does not cover the seat with toilet paper. Lo and behold, he finds himself glued to the seat.

He thinks to himself "I'm having a heart attack." What? Did I must have miss the American Heart Association bulletin which listed "ass feels like it is being torn off" as a symptom of a heart attack?

He calls out for help which is dismissed initially as a hoax. It takes 15 minutes until paramedics are summoned. Can we assume that during this time nobody else went to the bathroom? How often do people use the bathroom at Home Depot? What are the chances that someone went into the bathroom, smeared glue on the seat and it didn't dry until Toilet Man copped a squat?

Upon hearing this gripping tail tale, others have cast doubt on the story, claiming he made a similar allegation last year. Also, in 1976 he was charged with filing a false police report, which he claims not to remember (perhaps he lost his memory when part of his ass was ripped off).

The Toilet Man claims to have "suffered from post-traumatic stress syndrome, nightmares and diabetes after the incident." And also that the lawsuit is "not about the money." I must have missed the part we he says that all the money he wins will go to charity.

He's even willing to take a polygraph. I searched the Internet but could find no instructions on how to hook up a polygraph machine to a guy with his head up his ass.

If Home Depot doesn't flush this guy away, expect to see a bunch more crap like this bobbing around soon.

More Urinal-isys

Today's urinal story is about multi-tasking. With all the layoffs at my company over the last 5 years (2/3 of the company is gone), each person is responsible for more work. Some people choose to "Work Harder, Not Smarder", others simply work during break time.

This guy was standing at the urinal, plow in one hand, cell phone in the other, apparently checking voicemail. My bathroom spy did not see how he "wrapped things up" at the urinal but he was still on the phone at the sink. Generally, when finished with the urinal, it takes two hands to zip things back up so Kudos to this one-handed wonder.

So where is this all leading? To a poll, of course. But since polls don't generate much feedback we'll do it the old fashioned way.
Is it bad manners to talk on the phone in the bathroom? What about checking voicemail? What about text messaging? Does it matter if the bathroom is public or private?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Hook Up An IV

In a clash that pitted Intelligent Design vs. Intelligent Voters, the IV's have won. Voters in the Dover, PA school district have ousted all 8 supporters of including an allusion to "Intelligent Design" in science class. Bravo.

Monday, November 07, 2005


For anyone who didn't watch the NY Marathon yesterday, you missed one of the greatest finishes ever with Paul Tergat just beating Hendrick Ramaala by one step.

But the reason for this post was Jelena Prokopcuka's (the Women's Division winner) quote of what inspired her to win. Referring to a competitor she said:

"I got confident and I knew I could win when I saw her vomiting"
It inspired me, too...to get lunch.


There are all kinds of people in the world and they are into all kinds of "interesting" behaviors but for this women's lawyer to indicate that gluing a man's genitals to his abdomen was part of "adventurous, consensual sex" is a bit beyond comprehension.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Your fireFlly is Open

Been watching Firefly on DVD (just finished Disc 2). I almost hurt my self on these lines:

Saffron (naked in Mal's room): I do know my Bible, Sir. "On the night of their betrothal the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow and he shall work in her, in and again, till she bring him to his full and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast."

Mal (in a daze): Oh. Good Bible.

Saffron: I'm not skilled, sir, nor a pleasure to look upon.

Mal: Saffron. You're pleasing. You're, uh... Hell, you're all kinds of pleasin' and, uh, it's--it's been a while--a long damn while--since anybody but me took ahold of my plow[...]

Then I fell off the couch, injuring my knee but my, uh, plow was undamaged.

5000 Calories of Heaven

I made a couple of adjustments from the recipe. I used cocoa powder/sugar/butter instead of bittersweet chocolate and baked this baby at 300 without a water bath for 1 hour and then another hour at 250 and another just sitting in the oven, the whole time with a big pan of water on the bottom rack.

And now it's in the fridge and I won't have piece until tomorrow. Oh, the humanity.

Please call first if you're coming over. ;)

Friday, November 04, 2005

Heya Pumpkin

I made one of these a couple years ago and it was sooo good. I think I'll make another this weekend. Drool, drool, drool.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

What the F. Buckley?

If you happened to read today's Buckley column (and I don't recommend it) you will likely be stumped by the use of the word "tricoteuses".

After much research, it would appear that this is French for "knitter". If only I knew the French word for "pompous ass", I could perfectly describe further what I think of this.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Wow. Have you seen Sen. Frist going on about the Democrats forcing a closed session of the Senate?

"The United States Senate has been hijacked by the Democratic leadership," said Majority Leader Bill Frist of Tennessee.
Man, you'd think they shoved a hot poker up his ass or something. It's the freaking end of the world. How dare they! Didn't they get that Republican mandate memo!

Sen. Lott said
"[the]move violated the Senate's tradition of courtesy and consent."
But it'll be perfectly fine to change the Senate rules to not allow a filibuster of a judge nomination.

I wonder if I'd be liable for slander if I said that all politicians are asses. Probably. So let's just go with most politicians are asses.