If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Investor Bulletin! Corvette, Porsche and Ferrari sales are set to plummet! Sell! Sell! Sell!

The reasons for this bulletin are here and here.

Monday, May 29, 2006

You Are A VoIP

I recently started using SunRocket (VoIP phone). They provide unlimited US calling, two incoming numbers, voicemail and basically every other phone feature plus $3 worth of international long distance a month. They're having a special today (website says until 2pm) for $99 for a year of service (that's <$9/month). They have a 30 day money back guarantee (including shipping both ways) if you're not satisfied.

The Rodney Dangerfield Of Popes

The Pope visited Auschwitz and had this to say:

"To speak in this place of horror, in this place where unprecedented mass crimes were committed against God and man, is almost impossible"
"Almost impossible" but not for Superpope! as he added:
"and it is particularly difficult and troubling for a Christian, for a pope from Germany."

Yes, my heart bleeds for the poor guy. Just how horrible it must have been growing up non-Jewish in Germany in the 1930's!

"In a place like this, words fail; in the end, there can be only a dread silence,"
Ah, yes. Silence. Only silence. Only a Dread Pirate Silence. Oh, wait. There's more:
"a silence which itself is a heartfelt cry to God: Why, Lord, did you remain silent? How could you tolerate all this?"
Now this is very important. Notice that he is indicating that the silence is questioning God and that by yapping away he is explicitly not questioning God. Clever girl.*

* - "Clever girl" is a quote from Jurassic Park. It is spoken by the Game Warden when, while hunting a velociraptor, he finds a second velociraptor has snuck up beside him. He then gets the Timothy Treadwell treatment.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

No Woot For You!

For those who don't live in PA (or some other bassackwards state) there is now Woot Wine.

Mmmm, Lemony

My company has not been doing well for several years. Because of that, raises have been few and skimpy. Some people complain that they can't even afford to replace their old cars.

My company's solution? An employee classic car show! Lemonade anyone?

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

We have 2 B&W and 2 color printers nearby my cube. One of the brilliant managers submitted a job to a B&W printer and hung the printer. After that, she did the only logical thing and submitted the same job to the other B&W printer. What's that famous saying about only a moron does the same thing and expects different results?

Anyway, I then had to install one of the color printers so I could print my 5 pages. I timed this perfectly to just get behind some moron printing a 56 page spec in color. Well, only the company logo is actually in color. Myrhh!

Monday, May 22, 2006

It's The Bigotry, Stupid

The Senate Judiciary Committee, headed by PA Senator Arlen Specter, approved the Federal Marriage Amendment which would define a marriage as being between a man and a woman. Of course, there is nothing that prevents a man and a woman from being married now. What the amendment is really about is preventing marriage between two people who are not of the opposite sex. But voting for something that said that would just seem like bigotry.

Since I live in PA, I sent Sen. Specter an email which, for the most part, quoted my post and asking him to answer the questions there about how exactly "man" and "woman" would be defined.

I received this sad excuse for an answer (not that I expected an actual answer):

Thank you for contacting my office regarding S.J.Res. 1, a joint resolution proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States relating to marriage. The proposed amendment to the United States Constitution would define marriage as only a union between a man and woman. Amending the Constitution is a very serious step, and one we should never take lightly . This is a very difficult issue that requires careful consideration and thought.

Rest assured that I will keep your thoughts on this issue in mind should the Senate consider this or any other similar legislation. Should you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact my office or visit my website at www.specter.senate.gov . Thank you again for writing .


Arlen Specter

Friday, May 19, 2006

This Isn't The Blog Your Looking For

Maybe it's just late but I thought the Star Wars Gangsta Rap: SE was pretty freakin' funny.

But maybe not as funny as A Men's Room Monologue.

Shaving Bush With Occam's Razor

Wow. A strike out in his first at-bat. Tony Snow went down swinging with his reference to "hugging the tar baby" at his first televised press briefing. Not that it was used in a racist context but only a total rube would not know that "tar baby" is racist slur. That brings Bush's approval rating among blacks down to 2 to 3 range. And I don't mean percent (it was already at 2% last year).

Or maybe the Bush administration is smarter than I give them credit for and they're just pandering to their base of xenophobic, racist religious nuts.

Update: Have you noticed the complete absence on coverage on this by the MSM? Here's one article I found.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

More Yellow Journalism

Does anybody find it coincidental that lycopene is advertised as possibly useful for prostate health? I mean, seriously, lycopene? Like-a-peein'? Puh-lease.

Maybe they should get it endorsed by I. M. Pei*. Or how about John Daly?

* - Yes, I know it's pronounced "pay" but you have to give me a little humoric license.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

It Doesn't Cut The Custard Mustard

After waiting a whole day (I guess that's the Tantric part) to try the modified recipe, I have to give it the thumbs-down. It's certainly edible but it just doesn't have the smoothness of the custard. I'm going to try again (not soon) with 2 cups heavy cream and 1 cup light cream and also try heating them up. Hmm, as long as I'm heating it up, maybe I'll just throw in the egg yolks. :)

The good news for my office mates is that with edible ice cream in the house, I've got too many cookies around so the rest of the cookies are coming in tomorrow. Get those fat pants ready!

Anybody know how much pot costs these days? I'm asking because, playing disc golf today (without re-injuring myself), I was asked if I "want[ed] some ganj". I politely declined and played on through.

Jay's money saving tip of the day: If you smoke pot but are low on funds, take up disc golf as some of the players are likely to give you a hit or so for free.

Yellow Lung Journalism

If you saw the headline:

Cancer death rate higher in nonsmoking men

what would you expect the article to be about? I'll now read your mind and tell you are wrong. It's not about that at all. It's about how non-smoking men who have lung cancer die at a slightly higher rate than non-smoking women who have lung cancer. Imagine the irony, if the person who wrote the headline...no, no, let's not go there.

This is so blatantly misleading you'd think it was from The Weekly World News or something. But no...it's CNN. I was not going to link the article but I'm pretty sure my huge following won't tilt the hit rate for the article. So here it is.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Tantric Redux

I'm attempting an actual ice cream (vs. ice custard) version of my Tantric Chocolate Ice Cream. The only changes to the ingredients are:
3 cups light cream becomes 2 cups light cream plus 1 cup heavy cream
egg yolks deleted

I only heated the cream enough to melt the chocolate. (I've heard that "cooking" the cream will yield smoother ice cream. If this batch is icy, I'll try that next time.) Since it wasn't as hot, it cooled enough to churn it the same night. Otherwise, basically the same recipe. Results tomorrow.

If I replace the sugar with Splenda, you could eat this on the Ultra-High Fat Diet.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

But Are They Salty?

My parents have now been in Las Vegas for a few days. I was just talking to my dad and the conversation went like this:

me: You know, there's a Trader Joe's nearby where you are.
Dad: Why would I wnat to go to Trader Joe's?
me: Well, they have good stuff for your trip, like dried fruit and nuts.
Dad: It's 100 degrees here, I've already got dried nuts.


Friday, May 12, 2006

Welcome To Our Ool

Notice there is no P in it. Please keep it that way.

That was the only rule that pools in Florida had. I'd guess that's because pretty much everyone had access to a pool.

But in the Northeast, a pool is still considered special. My apartment has a pool. Here's one of the rules it has:

If at any time the pool becomes excessively busy, everyone must clear the pool for a 10-minute break. This is very important and insures [sic?] the safety of pool users.
Actually, it ensures the annoyance of pool users.

Or this one:
Floating devices may not exceed 24" in diameter and are for use in the shallow end of the pool only.
Breaking of any rules can result in loss of pool privileges and/or 24 hours in the hole.

Clinical Trials Reduce Suicide

How is this headline news? How is this news at all? I'll tell you how. The majority of people in the world are morons.

A recent analysis of clinical trial data on nearly 15,000 patients treated with both Paxil and dummy pills revealed a higher frequency of suicidal behavior in young adults treated with the drug, according to the letter.

The FDA reported that there were 11 suicide attempts -- none resulting in death -- among the patients who received Paxil in the trials. Just one of the dummy pill patients attempted suicide.

According to NIMH, the suicide rate in America is about 1 per 10,000 people and the attempted suicide rate is estimated at 8 to 25 times higher. So, why not have a headline screaming Patients on Placebos up to 18* times Less Likely to Attempt Suicide!

* - I'm assuming half the 15,000 got Paxil and half got a placebo. So 1:7500 = 1.3333:10,000 and 25/1.333~=18.

Bonds and Notes and Bills, Oh My

No rants today. Yesterday I decided to take today off despite the outlook of miserable weather. Lo and behold, it has been sunny all day so far. I'll let things dry up a bit from last night's rain and then go hiking or maybe play some left-handed disc golf. (Ridiculously, I have a disc golf injury that I don't want to aggravate by playing right-handed.)

Today's post is educational. It's about investing in U.S. Treasury bonds. Actually, there are bonds, notes and bills. Bonds are the longest maturities (ex. 20, 30 years). Notes are offered from 2 years to 10 years. Bills are offered for maturities of 26 weeks or less. Why they name these like this, I don't know and I don't think it matters.

I don't know all the eligibility requirements but if you're a US citizen, have a SSN and a driver's license you can open an account directly with the Treasury. (If you don't use that link [and unless you know me personally, you shouldn't], when you get to the page which asks which of three types of accounts you want to open, you want do not want to open a Legacy or H/HH account.) The account costs nothing. No fees or anything for normal use (see last paragraph).

The important stuff to know about Treasuries vs. bank CDs.
1) Interest on Treasuries is exempt from state income taxes. I don't know of any state with an income tax that exempts CD interest.
2) Treasuries can only be purchased on certain days (auction days). Generally, this is once a week or less often (4 week, 13 week and 26 week T-Bills appear to be auctioned every week, longer maturities appear less frequently, check the schedule). CDs can be purchased whenever your bank is open.
3) Treasuries can be purchased in multiples of $1000. CDs minimums are set by individual banks.

I'll use the 26-week T-bill as an example. Recent auction results show the 26-week (182 day) bill yielding about 5%. Unless there's a holiday, the auction for these generally takes place every Monday and the actual T-bill is issued on Thursday. What this means to you is that you have to put in your order (I call it an order but it's really a non-competitive bid) before the auction. (Exactly how much before I can't seem to find but the day before definitely works.) Let's say you put in an order for a $1000 26 week T-bill. The auction takes place and on the issue date (probably that Thursday) you security is issued. For the May 11 issue, the auction price was 97.558167/$100 meaning that Treasury Direct will take $975.58 out of your linked account and, in 182 days, they'll deposit $1000 back.

Lastly, just a warning, there can be quite a delay between the time you place an order and the time the security is issued. Don't forget to have the money available in your linked account come issue day. This would be in the top three classic blunders behind "Never get into a land war in Asia" and "Never get involved with a Sicilian when death is on the line." *

* - Update - "Purchase requests are rejected if funds are insufficient to cover the cost of the securities." I suspect you bank might charge you for insufficient funds, also.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

I Want A New Drug

After that last story, maybe we need another drug to prevent unwanted pregnancy in the first place. I think it should be called RU-469.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

He's The One

There's a discussion on FatWallet regarding a deal on the MovieBeam device (for $50). I pointed out that it might be worth buying just to cannabalize the drive. Then someone noted that the drive size was 160 GB. Then came this post with perhaps the funniest typo ever:

So in short $50 for a 160GB Hard Disk?

Its available in my area. I will rip hard dick out of it and use the box just to show off.


Give A Oot

I feel like I have jet lag. I didn't get to sleep until around 2 this morning. I was leaning towards "cold" early yesterday but now I'm thinking it's just still allergies, coming for revenge since I stopped taking Claritin a couple days ago. I'm hoping a couple more Alien adventures will clear things up.

Meanwhile, I received this message on my computer this morning, after SP2 finished installing:Funny, I don't even remember my computer being ooted.

Monday, May 08, 2006


I hope you ate lunch already.

After not sleeping most of the night, I finally snuck in a couple hours early this morning, had some hot mint tea and then got a solid 3 hours, waking after noon.

I feel like someone poured cement or epoxy into my sinuses. Just how big are those things any way? I tried flushing them out with warm saline but there seemed to be like a gallon of sludge up there. Fortunately, I did this in the shower because, after a few minutes, I looked like Alien, with crap dripping and dangling from my three facial orifices. Pleasant picture, right? At least my eyes don't feel like they going to shoot across room every time I open them.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Ain't No Jean Georges

My parents are driving around the country taking in some sites. Between St. Louis and Denver they overnighted in Kansas. At the Kansas welcome center someone had told them the place to get the best BBQ ribs and when they got to their hotel, what do you think they saw? A brand new branch of that BBQ restaurant right across the street. No need to ask around about where to eat tonight!

There was a long line of people outside but my parents were in no hurry. And, of course there's a big line, it's the best ribs around! They waited for quite awhile and every so often the PA would call out "So and So, time to put your brand on the bar!" My parents surmised this was the cowboy way of telling people that their table was ready.

My parents finally got to the front of the line and my dad informed the hostess that they were two.

Hostess: Oh, we're not open. We don't open 'til next week.
Dad: What?

Apparently, this was the pre-opening ceremony where people actually come in with their branding irons (which were plugged in, inside) and brand where they want to sit at the bar. I don't know where they ended up eating; probably Stuckey's or something.

Fuzzy Slippers

If you haven't seen Grizzly Man or In Her Shoes and you don't want to be influenced by what I have to say about them then stop reading now!

Grizzly Man is a documentary about a guy (Tim Treadwell) who can't deal with reality and essentially gets addicted to (and then eaten by) bears. I found it poorly put together (even worse than this review). The description (by, I presume, the medical examiner) of the audio tape of Treadwell being killed by a bear while yelling at his girlfriend to run and her staying, pounding the bear on the head with skillet, is truly horrifying. But then, at the end of the description, I can't figure out what's worse, the description or the M.E. The whole movie kind of comes off as an unintentional (or maybe not) freakshow.

As disappointing as Grizzly Man was, that's how surprisingly good In Her Shoes was. I won't give away any of the plot but it is simply an emotional rollercoaster. Bring tissues.

Friday, May 05, 2006

How Can You Sing It If You Can't Roll Your R's?

This whole thing about people singing the National Anthem in Spanish is getting ridiculous. Who could possibly condone such behavior? I think you'll find your answer here.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Kiss My Food

I often make food without a recipe. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Tonight it did.

Tonight I did something that I do on occasion. I looked through my cupboard and try to pick stuff that I either have too much of or it's been sitting around (almost) too long. Tonight that led me to chickpeas and tuna fish.

I mashed up a half can of chickpeas with about a tablespoon of olive oil and about a teaspoon of white vinegar (for zing). I sprinkled in some garlic powder, onion, paprika, parsley and black pepper. I then mashed in a can of tuna and 2 or 3 tablespoons of mayo. Delicious.

Basically this is a combination of tuna and hummus. I call it Tuchis. I suggest eating Tuchis along with a tossed salad. I'll be bringing in my Tuchis tomorrow for lunch. I'm sure everyone will be jealous and wanting a bite of my Tuchis but only I'll get to eat it. Maybe I can manufacture my Tuchis in Mianus?

King Takes Bishop

I love this article with the Vatican officials getting all uppity that the Chinese Catholic church ordained a couple bishops without the Pope's permission.

"We are therefore faced with a grave violation of religious freedom," he said, adding that the Vatican "had thought and had hoped that such deplorable episodes belonged to the past."
Does he mean the distant past? Say, around the years 1100-1450 (plus or minus) during the Crusades? Or the more recent past, like the Vatican's apparent silence during the Holocaust? How about a little religious freedom from some old geezers that are a few thousand miles away?

Please Don't Pee On My Glasses

Yes, it's yet another bathroom story.

I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth (more on that in a second) and I see, in the bathroom mirror, one, then another, guy walk by. Since I don't hear stalls closing, I assume they're at the urinals (of which there are two). If you're trying to form a mental picture (and I hope you are not), the bathroom layout has the sinks and urinals on the same wall, with a partition between them. A few seconds later, a third guy walks by. Apparently heading to a urinal, he stops when he sees they are occupied, then looks at the sink (where I am) then at the garbage can. The look he had on his face told me everything. He was eyeing potential backups! Had I not been there that guy might have actually peed in the sink. That's the look he had on his face. He started doing a little circular pacing waiting for an opening.

Back to my teeth. The only reason I'm brushing at work is that I have an afternoon dental appointment. It's a warm day today so I didn't wear a jacket. That means I've got no place to keep my sunglasses (and still remember them when I leave) except on a lanyard around my neck. I bend down to spit. As I do, my glasses go swinging forward, perfectly timed for me to cover them with an effluent of toothpaste, saliva and maybe a remnant or two from lunch at Wendy's. Grrr. I rinse them off and grab the floss.

After flossing, I need to spit again and, you guessed it, suddenly I need to clean my glasses again. Now that's just plain stupid.

Actually, There Are Four Sides

This story about a female polygamist is only marginally interesting but I can't resist this part:

Defense lawyer Robert McClellan said, "There are two sides to every story." He declined further comment.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Feed Me, See More

People haven't threatened to kill me for not posting often enough...but it's getting close. Here's some ideas on painting a cool optical illusion indoors or out.

Monday, May 01, 2006

I'm Exploding With Joy

This also might explain why glad handing is so frequent among single men.

This post brought to you by my Islamic alter ego, Hoven Bin Layd.