Let's Give'em A Hand

This weekend in NYC included dinner at Vatan (which is delicious but too much food for too much money, if that makes sense). If you go and can eat the whole battered/fried pepper that comes with the appetizer tray then you have my utmost respect.

After that, we moseyed on over to the Found Footage Festival which was hilarious! There are some clips on YouTube including this one.



And if you are NOT at work, the festival included parts of this one.
Did I mention this is not safe for work?
NSFW!

Update: I don't know why the embedded version of this did not work. But it is still NSFW!

Update 2: I completely forgot to include this photo of me and, uhm, yes, it is exactly what you think.

Yackity Yack

Yesterday was a bit of a Foodapalooza. Had lunch at Max Brenner's (and if you don't bring you kids there, you a an awful parent). Their slogan is "Chocolate from the bald man!" How can things possilby go wrong.

I had the Illegal Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Pancakes. They were very good but, quite frankly, they should put cocoa powder in the actual pancake. My friends got their kids a chocolate pizza, do-it-yourself hot chocolate and a chocolate syringe. Most of it ended up on one of their kids. All in all, a fun and tasty lunch.

Then off to a friendly get together on Long Island. There was food, drinks, a hot tub, yada, yada, yada. We ended up driving a couple of people back to Manhattan and we hadn't gotten very far when a voice from the back seat requested, "Uhm, when you can, could you pull over?"

Ruh-roh.

SCREEEEEECH!

That makes two wacky yakky weekends in NY. It's just like being back in college (except I'm not the one booting).

New Yak City

This was intended to be sung to the same tune as the FCR - New Car commercial. (BTW - if what you really want is your free credit report go to the government credit report site where they don't make you enroll is some crap you don't need.)

Do not read if you feel queasy!

We were riding on the subway
down to High Line Park
Started out standing 'til I found
a place for my ass to park.

At Penn Station
the seat next to me
which previously had been taken
was now completely free.

Turned around and then
I turned right back.
A guy was sittin' there
and he began to yak.

B-E-E-R
that spells "beer".
What was coming out of him
was golden-ish and clear.

It was shooting out
like from a fire hose.
Coming out his mouth
and also through his nose.

But that's not the worst part
about the emetic.
I found the woman I was with, well,
she was sittin' in it!

Jumped off the train
and we ran;
up and down the street
looking for a public can.

At Mickey D's,
I bought a drink;
so she could use the bathroom
and wash her shorts in the sink.

And, no, I'm not lookin'
for any pity.
It's just another day
in New York City.

BTW - the new High Line Park is quite nice.

I'm Running Without A Shirt And All The Women Are Getting Wet

This post brought to you live and in the nude by Fiber One (click for a free sample)! If you're still reading I'll assume you don't have a very vivid imagination.

I ran Central Park this morning in the rain. I normally would have waited for tomorrow when the chance of rain is 50% (and now that I just checked it is 0%) but I will likely be doing something more interesting than running.

What kind of people run in the rain? Anecdotally, I saw more fit people (I assume the less fit use any excuse to stay home). Also, more men, about a 5:1 ratio of sausages to buns (vs. about a 3:1 ratio in good weather). Almost no bikers (who aren't ever running but I'm expanding things to "exercise in the rain") and one lone rollerblader. Overall, for the runners, I'd say there were about 50-75% of the normal number.

I planned to run about 6.5 miles but I didn't because I didn't want to walk home in the rain.

So I ended up running 7 miles.

Bouley Vous Coucher Avec Moi Ce Soir

Friday night I had a really nice meal at Bouley. Pre-first course was a delicious (I'm going to run out of adjectives, I can see that already) cauliflower mousse-y thing with caviar, heirloom tomatoes and 25 year-old balsamic vinegar.
Appetizers (there's two of everything because my date and I are sharing) were a wonderful shrimp and scallop something and the ethereal Porcini/Crab Flan.
Main dishes were a, frankly, less than stunning (and let's face it, everything should be stunning) duck and scrumptious monkfish a la chop suey (don't let the name throw you; yuou must get this dish!)
Last time I ate here, I was so full by this time that a dessert was split. This time I was still hungry; a bit worried I might not have enough to eat (ha!) so we ordered two desserts. A pear dish (which was great even though I don't really like pears) and the incomparable orgasmic chocolate frivolous (six miniature chocolate desserts in one).
Before they came out, we had what I assume was a palate cleanser of yogurt with some pineapple syrup or who knows. It could have passed as a light dessert.
These were followed by our desserts and also a couple of ounces of a yummy (see? out of adjectives) dessert wine...and a complementary coconut creme brulee which my date sampled but she had reached full capacity and I polished it off. ANd then I was full.
Then came the tray of truffles and petit fours. No mercy! Thankfully, they packed those up for us and we ate them for breakfast the next day.
Along with the lemon cake (about half the size of a pound cake) they hand you as leave.
Drool. Drool. Drool.

New York Weekend N+1, Where N Is Last Weekend

Yesterday I went to see a show in Central Park, somewhere around 72nd St. I thought I knew where it was going to be but after walking around the area for 20+ minutes with no success I thought "If only I had a device..." but alas my phone is sold old (HOW OLD IS IT?), it's so old it still has an extendable antenna! I'm so old and out of touch, I should probably just get a Jitterbug.

I happened past a Jazz trio playing (still in CP) and laid down on a rock to enjoy the music, promptly falling asleep. Amazingly I was not mugged or even killed.

On the walk back to my place I discovered the location of Jacques Torres on the UWS and weighed down the rest of my journey with 5.6 oz. of his confectionery genius, most of which made it home.

And now, I'm heading out to see, of all things, Chico DeBarge, Ginuwine and Joe.

I'm back. I can tell you the music was very good. I just listened from outside since I didn't want to walk to the end of the line to get in. (Frankly, I doubt people that were at the end at that time got in.) It was certainly clear that the target audience for this concert was not middle-age white guys but I did represent.

NYC Weekend #2

Friday night: went on a date and then listened to the NY Philharmonic in Central Park. My dinner turned out to be the two beers and half an order of fries from the date (poor planning mixed with thunderstorms at the end of the concert).

Saturday: Morning run in Central Park (around 6 miles). There was some sort of running event being set up as I ran. As I approached the start line, I got to hear part of an argument between a guy wearing a security vest and a really big dude.

Security: This is a sanctioned event of the...
BFD (walking away): I can't hear you.
Security (louder): This is a sanction...
BFD (louder): I said I can't hear you.
Security (as loud as this little guy could yell): This is...
BFD: NA NA NA NA NA NA

To give you a better idea of the situation, it was like a 2 year-old pulling a German Shepard's tail. "I can't hear you" is like "Grrrr" and "NA NA NA" is like "bark"/snap. The next time, you get bit. And then you cry to mommy. And she takes you to the hospital to have your hand sewed back on.

I don't know how it ended but I didn't hear any ambulances.

Decided to do a "taste-off" between H&H Bagels and Tal Bagels. However, service was so slow at Tal, I walked out bagel-less. Oh, and the H&H bagel? Worse than a Wegman's bagel and only twice the price! (Yes. $1.40 for one friggin' bagel.)

In the evening I went to see some "site specific dance" on a basketball court in Riverside Park. Uhm. You know how some art is accessible and some is not? Well, this was more of the latter. Like a Jackson Pollack, the question for me is where does the genius end and the crazy begin? Even still I'd say it was worth my time.

Sunday: Went to see a comedy show in Central Park. Mostly quite good. My favorite joke:

"I know this women in the biblical sense. And by that I mean I don't believe anything she says."

I think the joke works better if you replace "this woman" with "my CEO".

Start Spreading The News

NYC Day 1 Observations.

Noise and specifically street noise. It takes a little getting used to. It must have taken me 15 minutes to fall asleep last night.

Somebody upwind of me smokes pot. A lot of pot.

Running in Central Park this morning was "ahh" inspiring.

I seem to be hungry all the time.

While I was waiting to buy my bus ticket, the woman in front of me had this conversation with the ticket agent.

woman: Well, hopefully I won't need the return part of this [ticket].
agent: Why is that?
woman: I'm trying to get on a show and if I do, I'll be famous.
agent: Really? What show?
woman: The Biggest Loser.

Sure enough, I just checked. Casting in NY is from 10-6 today. Good luck lady!

I Thought It Would Be A Happy Group Of Lions Parade

Last Sunday I was in NYC and it happened to be Gay Pride Parade day. I only watched for about an hour (missing much of the beginning and I have no idea how much after I left) but I took a few pictures.

The parade is for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered and supporters of all of these. Sometimes it can be difficult to figure out which ones are which. Like these Peruvians.

Or her?


But, lest you think I only took boob shots, I also took some fashion shots. Some fashions work like flower head and laundry lad(y):

Some are more extravagant.

or

Some are less flattering

Some don't work at all

Some are just disturbing (enlarge at your own risk!)

Then there were the religions. Here's where I draw the line. Homosexuality might not be a choice but religion certainly is! Here we have Baptists, Catholics and Orthodox Jews!

And I'll end how I began, with Peruvians.

Notice that their mascot is an Alpaca. Alpaca! Get it?

January Is For Banana Hammocks

I've just started combing through this site. Some of the videos are hilarious, like this one from the first No Pants! Subway Ride. Notice the name of the book the woman is reading.

No Pants (2002) from ImprovEverywhere on Vimeo.

BRB LOL WTF?

I drove into the city yesterday. I took the GWB to the CBE to the HRD to the FDR to the UES.

There's some major construction going on on 2nd Avenue (for the new subway line) and there are 2 or 3 lanes closed in a few spots. I was driving through one of these spots, directly behind a Post Office truck. We were in the left most lane that was open, right against the construction barriers.

Ahead, there was a forklift moving some construction material around. As the P.O. truck was going by him, he backed out of the construction zone. BAM! He smashed right into the side of the truck. The trucked then stopped in the middle of 2nd Ave. with me stuck behind him.

Balancing out this horrible tragedy, I was able to find a parking spot on 76th Street.

Karma.

Going home, I left the UES via the FDR which I took to the HRD and on to the CBE across the GWB and yada, yada, yada.

Also, Self-Cleaning Oven

After many months/years of looking for both, I find there are many parallels between what I look for in an apartment and what I look for in a woman. Let's go to the tale of the tape:

Apartment	Woman
Post-war but not new construction	not too old or too young
high floor	tall
1 bedroom	no kids
Outdoor space	likes outdoors
Walk to Central Park	fit
Separate fridge to keep wine at optimum temperature	not too whiny
low maintenance	low maintenance
nice view	nice to view
Blinds	sees
Brazilian hardwood	Brazilian wax
Plenty of space for my junk	Not too much space for my junk

What Is The Sound Of One Hand Chapping?

I was in The City on Saturday looking at apartments. One was in particularly unkempt condition. The agent showing it noted "you can tell a single guy lives here." I was in the bedroom when she said this and my eyes suddenly zeroed on on something.

The hand lotion on the nightstand.

For all those times a single guy wakes in the middle of the night because of spontaneous chapping.

Good thing I didn't bring my UV light. I think I'll pass on that place.