Let's just count assholes

I don't know what will happen with all the lawsuits but I will not answer any census questions about my citizenship. You shouldn't either.

Prostitution is not a crime if you use the Trump hole

I, _________, the undersigned ("pro"), hereby agree not to talk, write, use ASL, or any other means to disclose to anyone or anything any details of my relationship (whether it be the usual 3-13 minutes or any other length of time) with ___________, the other undersigned ("John"). For this nondisclosure "John" will give "pro" the sum of $____.  This sum is exchanged solely for nondisclosure purposes and NOT for performance of any "acts" taking place during relationship, no matter how brief.

Ne kontrollojmë botën

Hollywood, international banking and the weather? And people are upset that this is offensive to Jews. Let me tell, what is offensive to Jews (or any other people) is that someone could believe this shit. This is Michele Bachmann-level stupidity.

If you want to really know who runs things in this world; it's the Albanians! They started by taking over the pizzerias in NYC (Google it!). And if you want to control the world, you have to control America. And to control America you start with pizza and NYC.

#AGAIN!

Imagine a cause so great that it could get tens of thousands of high school students to skip some classes.

Yeah. That's pretty much anything.

Ask Kudlow

I've created the Larry Kudlow Economic Oracle. Simply ask any economic question then scroll down for the Oracle's answer.











































Free market capitalism!
--------------------------------------------------------
If you don't like that oracle, I have another. The Kudlow-based Nuanced Economic Oracle. Ask any economic question and then scroll down for the nuanced answer.











































Free market capitalism, probably.

They must be late for their job at Expedia

It now takes something this bad for me to bother uploading a video. To be fair, if there was a second person in the car, the driver was probably too distracted by the other person telling them that they illegally drove around the cones to see the red light he was running. (Update: watching the video, I don't see a second person.)

On we?

BREAKING NEWS: Barron Trump has resigned as the son of President.

UPDATE: There was a slight miscommunication in the last story. In actuality Barron Trump is resigned to being the son of the President. We regret the ennui.

Expedia! For Trump voters only!

Background: someone used my email address to open an Expedia account (I assume they did not use their own email because they have already been through the following).

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Subject:            Other:Account Settings        
Sent:            Feb 15, 2018 7:15:17 AM        

            Name: Kristy *** 
Message: I am not Kristy ***. I do not know anyone with that name. I do not know how you allow people to create accounts without proving their email address is theirs. Please close this account and STOP EMAILING ME!  

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Expedia customer,
Thank you for contacting us. We will do our best to respond to your inquiry within 24 hours.
-----------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Kristy, 

We understand how important for you to close your account.

For your reference, please be aware that if you have accounts on multiple Expedia websites with the same email address these accounts will also be closed. Also, as a result of closing your account, you will lose any Expedia + points, associated status and benefits available in these accounts. 

In addition, any itineraries without reservations or ticket purchases with this account will be deleted. You would not be able to sign in or access any information associated with this account, but you can open a new account at any time. 
If you wish to proceed with this request, please email us back with your confirmation. 

Your business means a lot to Expedia. 


Shiella 
Expedia Customer Service Team 


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Subject:             Re: Other:Account Settings - Case ID : [REQ:M-***]          

Thank you for not even reading my email. Now please close this account! 



-----------------------------------------------------------------



Dear Customer, 

We apologize for the confusion and allow us to provide you information on how to close your account. 

In order for us to continue to permanently delete this account, we recommend that your reply to this email with your approval on deleting your account.    

Please be reminded that, account closure is permanent and cannot be reinstated. In addition, once you have closed your Expedia account, any itineraries without reservations or ticket purchases with this account will be deleted. You will no longer be able to sign in or access any information associated with this account, including your Expedia Rewards. 

We are always willing to assist you whenever you need Expedia again and we hope this information would help to resolve your concern. 


Cross 
Expedia Customer Service Team 

What about his Goppelganger

Mussolini was known as "il duce" and is it only for that our dear leader get a similar Italian nickname during for him. Therefore, I declare that from hence forward Trump shall be know as "la doccia". Congratulations!

Second place went to "Your/His assHoliness".

First Amendment

A while ago I predicted Paul Ryan would be the next President. I no longer think that will be the case. I still think the Speaker of the House will be our next President but I no longer believe that will be Ryan.

As the Mueller indictments wash in, it will certainly be interesting to see if Nancy Pelosi can keep her Democratic leadership position.