GOP hires Aunt Tom to question Kavanaugh accusers

Surprise, it's Anita Hill!

Government report: By 2025, 25% of US electricity will come from spin classes

They will also be responsible for 20% of methane emissions.

Kavanaugh complains he couldn't have sexually assaulted anyone in high school because he used to be a woman

...and women only molest their students.

Judge Kavanaugh, please show us on this doll the places you are not accused of assaulting women

Tough question

McConnell:Kavanaugh sexually molested me last week... but vote must go forward

If you plow, you must vote now!

Rosenstien to be fired, replaced by Guilderstern

C'mon, that is funny.

Pope makes Kavanaugh honorary bishop

... for behavior becoming.

More seriously, the question is whether an allegation of attempted rape of 35+ years ago should now preclude him from the job of Supreme Court Justice.
Yes, it does.
Because, had the allegation been made 35 years ago, he would never have even been considered for Appellate Court judge.

Ted Cruz releases new ad featuring both people who like him

And neither are his wife.

In first test of Presidential Emergency SMS, Trump will send dick pic

On Thursday ... it's coming.

Trump's dentures slip, accidentally imposes tariffs on $200B of "shiny" products

C'mon Onion, call me already!

Only on birthdays

I'm going to take a hard pass on the weird Japanese porn cake.

Area woman dumps Russian boyfriend, Alexy, for incompatibility with her tech devices

Onion-y headlines are back!

In Russia, bar walks into you

Let's take a break from my Onion-y headlines for a moment.

In July my GF and and I went on a cruise that left from and returned to Southampton. Upon our return to Southampton, we rented a car and drove to Stonehenge.

As you can see, this took us straight through Salisbury. We did not stop in Salisbury.

After visiting Stonehenge, we were hungry. We had planned to get fish & chips (it's England!) and I had scouted out a few places. We decided on Mitchell's Chippy.

First, let me say, this place was great. It is a real neighborhood place. Everything made burn-your-mouth fresh.
Second, we did not realize at the time that Salisbury was were the Novichok poisonings had occurred.
Third, we ARE tourists and we did not even know that there was a "famous cathedral" in Salisbury.

Trump: Dems moved Puerto Rico into hurricane's path

I'll get bored of this in a few more days.

New Apple Watch automatically orders you a Newer Apple Watch

Another Onion-type headline.

Erdogan names self as top adviser

Thought I'd try my hand at writing Onion-type headlines.

Productivity falls due to too many "moments of silence" being observed

If you define news as something you didn't know before, then, by definition, anniversaries are never news.