Next Time, She'll Re-Fuse To Leave

It's tough for a humor blog to compete with the news these days. Sigh. Enough to drive a man to drink. Here's my latest recipe:

Mix one part very powerful whiner with one or two (maybe three) parts of 22 year old Sprite. Add some wife bitters and serve to public. I call this cock tale an Eliot Spritzer.

No? OK, how about a news story about a woman who would drive Chef crazy.

A 35-year-old woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for so long that her body was stuck to the seat had a phobia about leaving the bathroom

The police officer in charge of the "woman stuck to toilet seat" investigation? Officer Mr. Whipple!

They had conversations and had an otherwise normal relationship -- except it all happened in the bathroom.

[Those of you that know me, insert the joke you know I would make here.]

When asked why he hadn't reported the situation for two years, her boyfriend, Kory McFarren said, "Don't worry, be happy!"

From the movie (I swear) Cocktail

Here's a little song I wrote
You might sing it note-for-note
Don't worry, be happy
If you're an elected official
You're sex life getting a little dull
Don't worry, be happy
Everyday you gotta wear a suit
Stay away from the prostitute
Don't worry, be happy
Girlfriend stuck to a toilet seat
Freezer full of parakeets
Don't worry, be happy