Break One And It's 2000 Years Of Bad Luck

You may have heard that Toys for Tots turned down a donation of talking Jesus dolls a few days ago. In explaining their reasoning, the VP of the foundation said, "We can't take a chance on sending a talking Jesus doll to a Jewish family or a Muslim family."

"I believe as a churchgoing person, anyone can benefit from hearing the words of the Bible," said the clearly impartial head of business development for the talking Jesus doll company.

Today, they repented and said "Toys for Tots has found appropriate places for these items." Although they did not say where these dolls were destined, yours truly has discovered that it will be here. All the dolls are being reprogrammed to groan in Aramaic.

Also, a Danish company is rumored to be working on a similar Mohamed doll however it is not considered offensive enough to release.

Jazz Hands

Unsurprisingly, only 2 people responded to the "How often do you masturbate?" poll from a few days ago.

Surprisingly, the answers they gave were "Always" and "Most of the time". On one hand, you would think that people masturbating that much wouldn't have time for a poll at all. On the other hand, maybe this just shows their passion for the subject. Or maybe they have three hands, so answering a poll really doesn't interfere.

Do I hear applause?

A Crowning Achievment

It's been a while since I had a good post about the restroom (some might say I've never had a good post about the restroom but they're just critics). So, on to the john.

As I've previously described, the closest bathroom to my cube contains two urinals and two stalls (one tiny, one expansive). It was a few weeks ago that, sitting in the big stall, I noticed someone walked into the tiny stall, did a kind of pirouette, then left without, umm, using the facilities. I thought that was a bit strange.

Last week I went into the bathroom to find the big stall taken. Usually, I'd either return later or use a bathroom further away but that day things were a bit urgent so I decided to just suck it up (so-to-speak) and use the tiny stall. I found the reason for the pirouette. The lock did not work. I puckered down the hall to the other bathroom.

That brings us to today. I'm leisurely riding high on the big throne in the big stall when someone came in and walked into the tiny stall. They tried several times to get the latch to work. I waited for the pirouette but was surprised when they dropped trow and sat down. I could tell by the floor shadow that their door was ajar.

Someone else came in to use a urinal. "Squeeeeeak" went the door as the guy slowly pushed it closed. His arms weren't quite long enough though. He couldn't keep it pinned. Squeak. Squeak. Squeak. I started laughing that closed-mouth, snorty, quiet kind of laugh. Squeak. Squeak.

I told myself it wasn't funny.

Squeak. Squeak. Then, resignation. The door was ajar again. I couldn't take it anymore.

It's not often you leave a bathroom because you think you're going to explode.

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

"[...] Highs and lows make you feel that things matter, but they're nothing."

"So what's something?"

"Being reliable is something. [...]"

Do Polls Rub You The Wrong Way?

Based on a recent comment, I thought I'd try my hand at this poll thing. Here's what came out:

How often do you masturbate?
	Always
	Most of the time
	Seldom
	Never
Free polls from Pollhost.com

On a completely unrelated topic, what's with the jumping robot during Fox NFL games?

Remember, Remember

For those that did not attend a Guy Fawkes party this past week, here's the kind of thing you missed:

A 22-year-old man suffered internal injuries after lighting a small firecracker he had inserted into his buttocks

I did my best to try and find the pictures on the Web but without luck.

This was the closest I could find.

Not An Abortion Post

The tax man doesn't cometh.

Or, if you're not a eunuch, cover your mousy dong with one of these.

I have rewritten an Irish lullaby to commemorate Bangalore's new name.

Bengalu-galuru
Bangalore has died
Bengalu-galuru
You can kiss your job good-bye

Senator John McCain continues his move to the right by quitting the board of Gallaudet, a deaf liberal arts school.