When You Drive Your Car Over It, It Will Pop

Sometimes a product comes along and I think, "What a great idea!" Then I see the price and I think, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Such is the case with the new CherryPal cloud computing PC. Here's the idea, take a PC and remove the expensive DVD drive, replace the hard drive with online storage, replace the processor with something cheap, use Linux and run everything via Firefox on the Web. Based on the name, I assume the case is semen proof, or at least semen resistant. And it only uses 2 watts! Great idea!

Now, charge $250 for it (not including monitor, keyboard or mouse) and serve up ads every time the user opens a program. Anagram that and it all spells Best Failing Product of the Year!

You Know What They Say, "Big Screen, Big Pic"

I got a new TV and it was delivered yesterday. It replaces an old 46" rear projection model. When the delivery guy saw it, he asked what I was going to do with it.

Me: I'll sell it it.
DeliveryDude: Really? I delivered one of these the other day and the woman there tried to give me her old set; just like this one.
Me: Hmm.
DD: Yeah, for free! But it was just me that day and I couldn't get it down the steps.
Me: Yeah, they're pretty heavy.
DD: Yeah, I thought about it but I didn't want it to fall on top of me! You need help moving this one?
Me: Nope. It's on wheels. I'll just roll it over here.
DD: Oh...

One interesting feature of the TV is it has one of those tiny slots that you can use with a laptop cable thingy to lock it to something. Somehow, I don't see that being much of an impediment.

When Empty, It's An Itching Wedge

Guaranteed to keep you out of the woods!

That is my number one issue.

... designed from a lightweight resin with a molded grip.

Like my cell phone which I use to answer calls.

Every aspect of this piece of equipment has been meticulously worked out to make it simple and trouble free to use.

As easy as shaking hands with the President!

... intended to eliminate anxiety and any feeling of uneasiness on the course.

OK. What is going on here?

The cap opens and closes easily and is designed with a triple sealing system to ensure that it is leak proof.

Oh! It's for smuggling liquor!

Capacity: Over half a liter, ...

Enough for a foursome!

Length: Like a standard 7 iron.

That's what she said!

... freedom of the hands to manipulate the club...

That's what ... oh, wait. I used that one already. Uhmmm.
How else would I manipulate it? With my mouth? That's what ... oh, never mind.

and zipper.

What?!

... holds twice the volume commonly urinated.

Oh, god! I wonder how much vomit it can hold! Hllluuurrrk!

click for more info

Bonus: funny commercial. "Looks like you're just checking out your club!"

Also, if you've been golfing recently and you thought people mistakenly took you for being from the Continent when they yelled, "Hey! European!", they probably thought you were using this club.

Equivalence Is Hard To Type

:) - classic smiley

:-) - alternative smiley w/ nose

:--) - Jewish smiley

(:--) - observant Jewish smiley w/ yarmulke

C(:≡-| - Hasidic Jewish non-smiley w/ big hat and peyes (those crazy sideburns)

They never smile.

Shvitzin

If you want to run while it's still cool out down here in South Florida, you need to wake up very early.

Early February to be specific. After that you are in for a experience different from any other.

I was up at 6:30 this morning. I have non-Seinfeldian parents who keep the house quite cold. Not "cool" but "cold". To give you an idea, the ice cream I accidently left out last night will need to warm in the freezer for a few days to be scoopable.

After a quick snack and some stretching I was ready to head out. My parents go in and out through the garage exclusively. I thought it was simply a matter of convenience. I decided to use the front door since I didn't want to leave the garage open. It was difficult to open the door (Florida doors generally open out) and the reason was the immense water pressure outside. Still I was able to squeeze out.

Once outside, a thick film enveloped me as water condensed on my ice cold skin. Instantly, I was 10 pounds heavier. I started to run, or more correctly, dog paddle.

Now I'm sweating profusely and decide to turn right out of my parent's twenty foot long driveway. I'm wearing one of those "wicking" T-shirts but it seems to be working in reverse. I'd take my shirt off but there are a lot of people out walking and they probably just ate.

After about 200m I realize that my pace is only slightly slower than record freestyle swimming pace set just the other day. Maybe I should run in one of those Speedo Laser suits?

Four Florida miles later (that's 28 normal miles) I pack it in and head back to the freezer. Smoke pours off me like a cheesy Sci-Fi movie laboratory experiment or a 4-chord song.

In tribute to a few movies I've seen recently, I'll end here, right in the middle of my story.