If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008


If you want to run while it's still cool out down here in South Florida, you need to wake up very early.

Early February to be specific. After that you are in for a experience different from any other.

I was up at 6:30 this morning. I have non-Seinfeldian parents who keep the house quite cold. Not "cool" but "cold". To give you an idea, the ice cream I accidently left out last night will need to warm in the freezer for a few days to be scoopable.

After a quick snack and some stretching I was ready to head out. My parents go in and out through the garage exclusively. I thought it was simply a matter of convenience. I decided to use the front door since I didn't want to leave the garage open. It was difficult to open the door (Florida doors generally open out) and the reason was the immense water pressure outside. Still I was able to squeeze out.

Once outside, a thick film enveloped me as water condensed on my ice cold skin. Instantly, I was 10 pounds heavier. I started to run, or more correctly, dog paddle.

Now I'm sweating profusely and decide to turn right out of my parent's twenty foot long driveway. I'm wearing one of those "wicking" T-shirts but it seems to be working in reverse. I'd take my shirt off but there are a lot of people out walking and they probably just ate.

After about 200m I realize that my pace is only slightly slower than record freestyle swimming pace set just the other day. Maybe I should run in one of those Speedo Laser suits?

Four Florida miles later (that's 28 normal miles) I pack it in and head back to the freezer. Smoke pours off me like a cheesy Sci-Fi movie laboratory experiment or a 4-chord song.

In tribute to a few movies I've seen recently, I'll end here, right in the middle of my story.


Dave said...

When I'm in GA I normally try to start running about 1/2 an hour before sunrise. Still as sticky as you describe but you don't get superheated from the sun.

talljay said...

I rely on the sun to wake me but get out as quickly as possible after waking.

It's not as bad as playing golf, which we did today from 9 to 1. Actually it didn't feel that hot today. Probably only 90.