If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Desperado, Why Don't You Come To Your Senses?

Welcome to another edition of JayGadget, highlighting only the weirdest and most dubious products known to man me.

The Gerber 22-80066 Carnivore Blood Tracking Light, TRAX Blood Tracking Technology with Sheath is, well, I think the name pretty much speaks for itself. On second thought, let's check that description:

Illuminating a blood trail is important when tracking wounded game through thick woods and underbrush. For a long time now experienced hunters have known that a combination of red and white or red and blue lighting would help to illuminate a blood trail. The Gerber Carnivore Blood Tracking Light incorporates a bright Xenon light to follow a blood trail in low light conditions and can be easily switched with one hand for night tracking by utilizing the Carnivore’s four red and four blue LED bulbs.
Reading that it is immediately obvious that this device is for inept (unable to kill with one shot), patriotic (red, white and blue lights!) hunters. So, if you're closer to a crack pot than a crack shot and you love America more than your Bonbon eating, NASCAR loving, trailer trash wife then this baby is for you!

Here are some of the user comments. First the good:
"I'll Have a Blood Light! [...] I can follow a blood trail easily using this tracking device!" [Your Friend, Ted Bundy]

"I really can't say much about the product, it was a gift for my boyfriend and he seems to be happy with it." [but now I only see him 3 weeks a month. Weird!]

"i tryed this out on ketchup in the yard in the dark" [and it led me to a wounded tomato plant]
And the bad:
"one important aspect of this item that is not made clear is that is will only work for tracking blood during the night. it does not work during the day. I thought the light would make blood stand out for a daytime track, but I tested it and it does not." [Instead, I had to actually follow the limping, dying deer.]

"If I knew how this product actually worked and were thinking about buying one, I wouldn't. " [Your Friend, Yogi Berra]

"I have found that if I use the tracking light too long my eyes seem to function poorly [...]" [But it works okay if you point it the other direction.]

"Hopefully next years hunting season will be colder so the blood will stay 'wet' for better tracking ability." [Otherwise, what will I do with this set of 'blood' tires?]
And the disturbing:
"I poured a blood trail as a test of the Carivore [...] Despite the fact that I knew where the trail lead I could not follow it with the Carnivore. I contacted Gerber to see if I was using the light correctly [...]" [They told me that I should start with mushed bananas and not introduce blood until 6 months.]

"I tested this light on a fresh blood trail and even a pool of blood in the back of my truck" [It's one of those endless pools so it doesn't take up much space. My wife made me get it but now she doesn't use it any more."
As far as the "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought" section, there's the expected hunting books and tree stands and such. And of course The Very Best of The Eagles CD because no hunt is complete without a little Eagles. I suggest In The Long Run while tracking.

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