If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

If I Could Stop Thinking About It, I'd Be Sleeping

On my recent vacation I got a nice skullburn. It was so bad that one day I looked like a human love-meter that was pegged. Whatever I touched started to melt in my clutch. I'm too much.

Last week things started peeling. That much flesh hasn't fallen from such heights since 9/11. (Too soon?)

I had to do something so I tried moisturizer which seemed to work but only briefly. I wasn't about to bring moisturizer to work and rub it on my skull every 10-15 minutes. Plus, if I brought it in, I'd have to hide my tissues. I don't want to be one of those guys that have tissues and moisturizer on their desks. That is creepy.

It's about a week later and the peeling continues unabated (that's una-, not mastur-). And now I think the twice a day moisturizing might be making things worse. On top of that, it doesn't feel like theirs much skin covering my skull. How many layers do I have left? Pretty soon it'll be down to the bone and I'll look like I escaped from Body Worlds or something.

Chorus to a song I'm working on (to the tune of Lyin' Eyes):
You can eye my peeling hide
And it don't help to moisturize
I turned so red 'cause I'm so white
There ain't no way to defy my peeling hide

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