Or Maybe A Jowl Tax

You know what we need? A poll tax.

If you go look that up on Wikipedia it's going to tell you that a poll tax is a tax applied per person. It'll also tell you that Americans generally call a tax that's required to vote a "poll tax".

Neither of these is what I'm referring to. I want a poll tax that taxes polling. Jebus, every frickin' day there's at least one or two new polls about who people plan to vote for in the upcoming election. There are polls about who won the debate. There are polls about who's better for the economy, who'll be better for change, who'll take a bigger dump. Who gives a flying f*ck?

The poll tax will be $1 for the first poll, doubling for every subsequnt poll. In three days we'll raise enough to pay for the financial system bailout.

And you'll be able to say it was paid for by the people with the most poll.