Signs O' The Times

Many Americans like to complain that signs all over the world aren't in English. But the reality is, you can generally figure out the signs. Just use your brains...or guess! Here are some examples:

In Helsinki, I found these signs that clearly show the two main political parties in Finland: the Isotkoirats and the Pienetkoirats. Unlike in America, where elephants and donkeys run wild, both Finnish parties use the same animal mascot. The Schnauzer.


In Stockholm (and all of Sweden) sex is very acceptable. Turn on any TV and you're likely to find naked people. And one channel in particular goes even further. Here's their studios.

On the other end of the spectrum, if seeing human skin offends you, you can take a specialized cruise.

I'm generally willing to try any kind of food but I was pretty happy this place wasn't open.

There was some kind of fair going on in Stockholm. Perhaps they were converting people to Judaism?

Die Hauptrolle spielender Karrenmann

In some European countries, like the Netherlands, American TV programs are shown in English with the local language subtitles. This is not the case in Germany as can be seen in this clip from Südpark.

Hey Baby, What's Your Sign?

I love the signs around Germany. German is close enough to English that you can figure out the meaning of many words (like Wörter which means "words"). The problem is that not all words are so obvious.

For example, here's a food stand that seems to use some kind of reverse psychology to make you think it is the best! And if you turn your head sideways, you can see a little smiley face hidden in the sign. How clever!

In truth, the word "Wurst" is probably something most English speakers understand. Across the street is an elevator. Using my self-translation, it appears to say something about "feel free to fart inside". On the left, it says it has the "odor of 50 people" and on the right it says "if it falls you will not be be-nutted" which is similar to being beheaded but much worse.

"What kind of person would use a fart elevator?" you ask. Well, probably the same kind that shops at the Assmann store. It's so popular they have an Assmann I and II right next to each other. Perhaps all this is a result of eating all that Wurst.

Getting away from words, here are a couple pics from the East Side Gallery, a section of the old Berlin Wall still standing and now used for murals. This first one is pretty intense and makes a strong statement about the shadow religion casts over marionettes.

Also making a very strong statement is this mural which clearly says that dogs have just as much of a right to smoke as guys who wear fezzes.

And For The Other 4 Million?

Not to be missed in Berlin is the poorly named Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe. It is so poorly named that most people call it the Holocaust memorial. The memorial was built in what was formerly the Death Strip between the inner and outer walls of the Berlin Wall. Prior to that Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbels home was located here.

Intentionally or not, it works as a memorial (at least for me). From the perimeter its not much but when you walk into it...
the blocks tower above you. They are slightly tilted. Every way you look you see more and more of the same. It's powerful.
You may notice the lack of graffiti on the memorial. The two main reasons are: 24-hour police and anti-graffiti coating. During the building of the memorial it came out that the company supplying the anti-graffiti coating was related to the chemical company that supplied Zyklon B to the gas chambers used by the Nazis. After a huge uproar, the company noted that every German company that was around during WWII (like BMW or Volkswagen) could be tied to the death and destruction of the time but, as a good will gesture the company supplied the coating to the memorial for free.

On the other hand, here is the even more poorly named Memorial to the Homosexuals Persecuted under the National Socialist Regime. It is a bit tucked away in the nearby Tiergarten park. It is large block of concrete with one hole in it. If you look in the hole, there is a continuous loop of video showing two guys making out.This memorial doesn't really work for me. Apparently, it didn't work for lesbians either. After their complaints it was decided that the tape will be changed at the end of the year to show two women kissing. That is certain to make the memorial more popular. (I think the plan is to change it every so often after that.)

Still to be built is a memorial for the Sinti and Roma (Gypsies). That'll still leave the Poles, the Russians, the Disabled and every other targeted group. Frankly, I find it a little offensive that every group needs their own memorial. Why not just a memorial for all the people killed and persecuted by the Nazis?

Square Is The New Black

Where to start? Let's start at the end.

In Berlin I stayed at Winter's Berlin Mitte which was a typical, pleasant European hotel. There was one weird thing about the room. Actually, it was the bathroom. Here's a picture.

I don't know if every room is the same or if I just lucked into the SpongeBob SquareAss suite. You are familiar with the saying, "You can't put a round peg in a square hole." That was coined by the first guy to stuff up one of these square toilets.

The hotel was right around the corner from Checkpoint Charlie, which frankly isn't very interesting. Also nearby, and much more interesting, was this "University" that I believe might just be a front for something else.
Also conveniently right around the corner was this embassy, formerly a pizzeria.
More to come.

Schokolade, šokolaad, шоколад, suklaa, choklad and chokolade

As I'm sure I've noted before, when I leave a country I generally use my leftover currency to buy chocolate.
After two weeks visiting six different countries that use five different currencies, that's a lot of chocolate. Here's the haul for the trip (minus what I already ate).

I like to get chocolate that's made in the county I'm in but that is not always possible. In the middle of the picture is what I think is chocolate from Russia. According to babelfish, the Russian word for chocolate is шоколад so I should be in good shape. More to come...

You Will Not Become Rich Preventing The Camel Toe From Passing Through The Bikini

Just when I think I'm getting out...

I need a product that covers half of an ass. For example, because my company classifies the Cuchini as "adult material" I can only write a half-assed review of it, based on this Gizmodo post.

Anyway, as must be obvious, Cuchini is a combination of cooch and bikini (or maybe zucchini). My half-assed view is that it is a hard piece of leather that is inserted into a woman's...hey, don't get ahead of me here...is inserted into a woman's panties or bikini (or jeans if she's going "commando"). Kind of like a panty liner but instead of absorbing fluids, it absorbs lines/creases/crevices/cravasses (depending on a woman's age, sexual experience and whether her boyfriend is referred to as "soup can man" or not).

Unlike a panty liner, this thing does not breath (huh huh huh); it suffocates. You know the difference between the smell of feet that are in mesh sneakers versus those that are trapped in leather all day? I guess that's not an issue as anyone concerned about showing their puff daddy is probably already using some kind of nethers deodorant.

Now, attach a little motor with an offset weight and you've got yourself a product!

Hey sweetie, your phone is ringing.

Thanks to the Albaniac for this one!

Krona, Krooni and Krones

I'm leaving for my trip in a few days so don't expect any posts until around Memorial Day. Traveling is my last hope to resurrect this blog.