If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Within Spitting Distance Of Humor

I was working on an idea for a post this morning. It would have gone something like this:

If there is one thing you should never expect from a politician (or upper management who are also, essentially, politicians) is an answer to a straight forward question.

"When did you first learn that Rep. Foley wanted to diddle a 16 year-old?"

"Well, let me start by saying..."

When someone starts with "let me start by saying" you will not get an answer. What you will get is oration. Minutes, sometimes hours, of oration. If you're naive, you won't notice. If you ever get past the naivete stage you'll probably go through disappointment, then anger and, if you're lucky, indifference.

For those who are still struggling with the early stages, I offer this helpful advice. What should you do when you hear a politician asked one of these questions? Or your CEO? Expect oration.

But while thinking about this, just before I got into the shower, I somehow smashed my knee on the edge of the bathroom counter top. This made a nice little 1cm x 2mm gouge. After my shower, and despite the depth of the gouge, I decided to put some of that liquid bandage stuff on the wound.

If you read the directions for the liquid bandage it clearly states not to use it on open wounds. I interpret this as something you might have if you ran a chain saw across your leg, not a little gash. So I put a little dab of the stuff on my knee.

After about a quarter of a second, the pain started. A searing, burning, sharp pain that felt like someone was driving a nail right through my leg. No one in history has ever felt a pain like this...but I toughed it out.

After I shaved, I noticed my knee was now bleeding. Well, sort of. There was a big drop of blood hanging there. Much too big to not drip and yet it didn't. But it wasn't just blood. It was part rubbery New Skin. A big glob of rubbery blood. Neat!

So, I did what any normal person would do in this situation. I shaved my knee, cleaned it with expectoration and put a Band-Aid on it.

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