That's A Moray!

I've recently gotten into astrology (hey, it was a long weekend). Just to be clear, I don't mean that crap in the Comics section of the newspaper or the drivel from some charlatan claiming to be a psychic. No. This is based on billions (yes, billions with a "b") of femtoseconds of my own research. I pass it on to you, loyal reader, at no extra charge.

Here's everything you need to know about real astrology. In Real Astrology, there are very few important symbols, only [insert number here after writing post]. They have nothing to do with what day you were born or the locations of various stars or planets. That's all made up crap.

This is the symbol for Aries.
Aries can represent two different types of people. The first is a person who does things regardless of risk (Magnus Ballus). The second is a person that does things to try to make up for their own inadequacy (Vegrandis Dickus).

Next we have Taurus (Curtus Sperma).
This symbol represents people are messed up because they were originally fertilized by a defective sperm. These people are generally delusional and are incapable of seeing the world as it actually is. Some examples are George W. Bush and all your exes.

Now, we come to the sexual symbols. First, we have Libra (Magnus Buttus Amor).
Libras are skinny people and their big-butted sexual partners.

Next is Gemini, symbol for twinks and bears alike (Duo Homo Erectus).

Next we have Cancer, symbol for women who like to eat carpet (Duo Solum Lingus).
Cancer is often confused with Pisces, symbol for women who prefer double dongs (Dongus Tweenus).

Leo, the extremely flexible, auto-erotic lion is next (Nunquam Recedo Domus).

And stuck at the end is, appropriately, Uranus (Dickus Butkus).