If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Florida Without Old Is Only Fair

Nothing like a trip to Florida to provide a little blog fodder.

Waiting for the plane to board, an old guy sat a couple seats down from me. There were also some other people further down the row. When they started calling rows, an old couple came down the row and said, "Excuse me," to the old guy nearby. I turned and looked.

The wife repeated, "Excuse me!" Then, "Can we get by?" This was pretty loud. The guy nearby did not move. I tried to watch his chest to see if he was breathing. Frankly, the guy appeared dead.

Until the wife tapped him, restarting his heart, saving his life and getting him to stop blocking the aisle--all in one move.

We had a full plane. The last few people were loading and among them was a woman and her three young children (4, 6 and 8 years old, I'd guess). They did not have their seats together. One middle seat here, a window seat there and a window/middle pair right in front of me. The woman instructed what appeared to be the oldest to go sit in the lone middle seat and the middle child to take the single window. Now she was ready to sit with her youngest ahead of me. There was an old guy sitting in the aisle seat.

She pointed at the open seats and said that those were her seats. The guy did not move.

She again explained that those were her seats and could he please let them in.

After a pause he shouted, "That's my wife up there!" pointing several rows ahead. "Can you switch so I can sit with her?"

"I'm sorry, I need to sit with my four year old," was the reply.

"Can you switch so I can sit with her?" he repeated. Meanwhile, the aisle is blocked. The few people that need to sit are this woman and her kid and a couple of people stuck behind her.

I'm thinking two things. First is an explicative. Second is "What is this guy deaf and blind? Let her sit with her kid you self-centered jackass."

He pointed again at his wife. This time using a folded white cane with a red tip. The guy sitting next to his wife offered to switch and after a lengthy delay, the old guy got up. When he did I could see his hearing aids.

But just because he was actually deaf and blind doesn't mean he wasn't a jackass, too.

Next to me was an old Italian couple. When the meal service came by they both got their little plastic tray/bowls with a micro-turkey sandwich, Fritos and Heresy Bar (it's heresy to call that "chocolate"). The woman moved her meal to her husband's tray-table, closed her own and then retrieved her giant handbag from under the seat.

She then took both meals and crammed them into her bag, muttering something in Italian.

As we were landing, the woman held her giant anti-vampire cross, murmured a bit (I assume in prayer) and then applauded when we landed. I looked over at her and she showed me the cross and pointed upward. I thought, "Are you saying that God let the plane land safely so you could eat the food hidden in your handbag?"

Today we played golf in 90 degree, 90+% humidity weather and then went to dinner at 5:20. The hostess asked if we had a reservation. I thought, "At 5:20?!" Lucky for us, they squeezed us in.

Now, it's 10pm and my mom has been asleep for 2 hours. I feel like I have jet-lag and I haven't even switched time zones.


Anonymous said...

I feel for you. I hate flights to Fla.


(remembered to sign it this time)

talljay said...

Wasn't it you that suggested the adults-only airline? And I don't mean one that shows porn movies, either.

Although both are good ideas.

Anonymous said...

Yes it was me the suggested adults only flights. And I did not mean ones that showed porn. I don't think that is a good idea unless the seats are covered in plastic and the interior of the plane is hosed down after every flight.