Don't Be A C.T.

Ever since I read about the Canadian ruling that people disabled by obesity are entitled to free second seat on airplanes I've been waiting for a similar lawsuit from those of us who are so tall that sitting in a regular seat could actually cause us to become disabled. But until that day I'll just do my best to get those exit row and bulkhead seats.

For my flight down to Florida, I checked in online and had the choice of either a middle exit-row seat that did not recline (because of another exit row behind it) or a middle bulkhead seat across from the flight attendants (meaning 8 feet of leg room). Since the flight looked pretty full I was a little concerned that if I chose the bulkhead seat there would be no overhead space left for my bag. And, with no seat in front of it, there's also the issue of where to put my briefcase. In the end, I could not resist the siren song of the goddess Legroom. I took seat 8B.

First on the plane, rows 1-6, First Class. Next is "those needing a little more time or traveling with small children". That's about a third of the plane right there. Then comes "Elite" frequent travelers and finally they start the rows: 40 and higher...35 and higher...

By the time they get to me, "now boarding all rows" there are only about eight of us left. While waiting on the Jetway, one of the crew walks by with a fistful of the dreaded "gate check" tags. Not a good sign.

I board already knowing there is no room for my bag but just then one of the flight attendants leans over the man in 8C and says "You've been upgraded to First Class." As he starts to move forward the FA asks if he has a bag. He opens the compartment above him and removes a bag and coat and before he's even move the four steps to First Class I've shoved my bags in the space he left and taken his aisle seat to boot. The guy behind me steps on the plane and is informed there is no more room and they'll have to gate check his bag.

For dinner we were served the usual Continental meal: turkey sandwich, chips and chocolate. Same as the meal I had coming back home. The micro-turkey sandwich is one or two slices of turkey and a quarter leaf of iceberg lettuce on a 2"x2" or 2"x3" roll. The chips were a 3/4 ounce bag of Fritos. The chocolate was a Halloween "Fun size" Kit Kat bar.

Who the heck named that "Fun size" anyway? Didn't they ever see Willy Wonka? "Fun" is eating as much candy as you possibly can...Augustus Gloop-style. This bar is more of a tease-a Choc Tease! Naughty bar.

Oooh, that was a long journey for that joke. Anyway, don't mistake all this for a complaint; it's just documentation. As far as air travel goes, my bar for complaining is now set so that if we land on land then I'm not complaining.