Dummies Guide To Being An Idiot

It's 9:30. I'm in bed with a cold.

Ding-dong.

WTF? Who would be ringing my doorbell? I peek out the window and don't see a car. That pretty much rules out a friend just dropping by or the maintenance guy. Probably wrong house or someone left some mail on my doorstep. I go back to bed.

Ding-dong.

Are you kidding me? Are you f'ing kidding me? It's Saturday morning. It's 30 degrees outside. What kind of f'ing idiot keeps ringing my doorbell?!

"Hi! We're from the church of..."

SLAM!