The Abortion Post

If you're reading for the humor, this is not a post for you.

I was browsing through some of the exit poll questions (from the Casey/Santorum race) and ran across this one:

ABORTION SHOULD BE...

TOTAL	Santorum	Casey, Jr.
Always Legal (24%)	16%	84%
Mostly Legal (35%)	28%	72%
Mostly Illegal (24%)	59%	41%
Always Illegal (14%)	72%	28%

I'll ignore the obvious part of the numbers (more legal means more Casey, more illegal means more Santorum, duh). I'd like to know if that was the way the the question/answers were worded. Do 24% and 14% of the people surveyed really think that "Abortion should be "always legal" or "always illegal"? Do people understand the meaning of the word ALWAYS.

Who thinks abortions should be legal late in the ninth month of pregnancy?

And who thinks ectopic pregnancies should be illegal to abort?

So what's the deal? Do people not think about stuff like this? Do people not understand the difference between "Mostly" and "Always"? Or are they answering a different question?

Stick Out Your Neck Hole

Just got my flu shot. Looking at last year's post on this subject I note no adverse reaction to the shot but a certain predilection for Shakespearean post titles.

As I walk in to the shooting room, people walking out (actually, only the men walking out) are either tucking their shirts back in or putting them back on. I'm wearing a mock turtleneck shirt today. I push the sleeve up to expose most of my triceps but that's about it. I ask wear the shot needs to go. "In the [something] deltoid," says the guy giving the shot.

Fortunately, I'm skinny and my shirt is stretchier than expected and I pop my shoulder up through the neck hole a little.

Me: "That enough?"
Shooter: "Fine."
(pause as he uncaps the needle)
Shooter: "You're gonna feel a little prick."
Me: "Like Mark Foley."
(pause for the shot)
Shooter: "That's a light colored shirt. Do you want a Band-Aid?"

Hopefully my reaction to the shot will be the same as the shooter's reaction to my joke.

To Be By Or Not To Be By

Has it started happening yet?

I only briefly tuned into election coverage and it looked like, as predicted, the Democrats would take control of the House. Once this is conclusive, I expect House Republicans to start calling for the Democrats to be bisexual and "work across the aisle" and all that nonsense--just like the Democrats did 2 and 4 years ago.

You can usually tell winners from losers using the bisexual test. Losers almost always want to be bisexual. Don't confuse this with someone claiming they will be bisexual before the election. Those people have a different title. They are liars. Unless, of course, they lose, in which case their call to be bisexual will be even more vociferous. No, no, they are still liars, because before the election they claimed to be bisexual and after they want their opponents to be bisexual.

Update: Apparently, the auto-spell check/correct knows the word "partisan" but if you preface it with the letters "b" and "i", it gets corrected to "bisexual". Also, just "b" followed by an "i" gets corrected to the word "by". My apologies to my readers but at least now you can understand what I was trying to say.

Fat Bottom Girls Make Pastors Go "Around The World"

Although it is meant seriously, this is the funniest thing I've seen on the Haggard story. Here's a snippet but you really, really, really, need to read the whole post.

Most pastors I know do not have satisfying, free, sexual conversations and liberties with their wives. At the risk of being even more widely despised than I currently am, I will lean over the plate and take one for the team on this. It is not uncommon to meet pastors’ wives who really let themselves go; they sometimes feel that because their husband is a pastor, he is therefore trapped into fidelity, which gives them cause for laziness. A wife who lets herself go and is not sexually available to her husband in the ways that the Song of Songs is so frank about is not responsible for her husband’s sin, but she may not be helping him either.

That's Not Egg On His Face

OK. Just from the title you should realize this post is about pastor Haggard (adjective - a : wild in appearance b : having a worn or emaciated appearance).

"There is part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult life,"

says Haggard in a letter. What he means is that he finds himself repulsive and that if he can make others feel worse about themselves then, relatively, he'll feel better.

His wife said that

while her heart is broken, she remains "committed to him until death do us part."

"Committed" being the operative word there. Wake up lady, your husband is gay. And not like the nineties. Unfortunately, she's not allowed to think for herself. The Bible tells her what to do, like a Stepford Wife. You will forgive. You will not put anything asunder that God has joined. You will only cast a first stone if you are without sin. Try joining the Church of Self Respect.

And while the accuser says he came forward, um, I mean, he came clean, um, I mean, he went public because he couldn't stand the hypocrisy of Haggard supporting a Colorado Constitutional Amendment limiting marriage to be between one man and one woman, I don't see the hypocrisy there. If Haggard wanted to marry Jones, that would be hypocrisy. If Haggard was supporting an Amendment that prohibited married men from having sex with male prostitutes, that would be hypocrisy.

There's probably a word for a man who heads a church, supports an amendment to prevent gays from marrying and has sex with a male prostitute. I'm sure there's one in German. If there's not already one in English, Haggard sound good.

Tip #2: Bring Paper Towels

I ran today, nearly 9 miles. The weather was very nice, maybe a bit cold (41 degrees F when I started). The place I run is also a bridle path. I didn't see any horses today but clearly I had just missed them, and that brings me to my

Running Tip of the Day

When running on a cold day, there are many tricks to getting/staying warm: wearing a hat, wearing dark clothes, running in the sun vs. the shade. I don't think these will come as a surprise to anyone.

Jay's Tip #1 - If you happen to be running on a bridle path, the second grossest way to obtain some temporary warmth is to run near freshly deposited horse manure.

The grossest way, I assure you, is to trip while trying to use Jay's Tip #1.

And Winner Of The Most Offensive Award Show Is...

Latinos once again dominated the Latin Grammys when winners were announced last night.

The Latin Grammys have been dominated over the past several years by people like Colombian singer Shakira and Herve Villachaize (who is actually French but often mistaken for Mexican).

Non-Latino musicians rallied today against what they called a "clear and unambiguous prejudice" against them in the awards. "It's like they don't even consider us," complained a clearly offended Peter Frampton who came alive as he spoke.

Asked why there have been no protests before--even though this was the 7th year that Latinos have swept the awards--spokesman Johnny Mathis began, "Chances are..." but was cut-off as angry protesters started yelling racial slurs, such as "Hey, bring me a taco!" and "Do you have chimichangas?" at workers heading into the restaurant across the street.

The manager at the Taco Bell had no comment.