He's An Albaniac, Al-BAAAA-niac On The Floor

Very funny article on Albania's prospects for the 2008 Olympics.

Here's a sample link from it:

Start Printing The Albaniac Shirts!

Prediction for 2008:
Continued housing problems lead the US into a mild recession and popping the China stock market bubble. Civil unrest in China follows. With all the world watching Beijing because of the Olympics, its leaders dare not use military force and are overthrown.

No, no. They'd still use military force. Then the big Presidential debate would become whether the US should boycott the Olympics.

Mitt Romney will take both sides.

With the US out of the picture, Albania wins its first Olympic medal.

The British Are Coming

I got my Comfy Sack and after several days suffering from rhinovirus strain ABF (Albanian blood feud) I finally put it together and tried it out.

I was a little excited to try it.
My left hand is holding a glass of Nestea. Ahhh!


It's very soft.


Very, very, soft.

This thing is so comfortable. It's like a womb. A womb with a view (of the TV). A giant 7 1/2 foot long womb. According to my research (meaning I'm guessing) it's like laying in a Humpback whale womb.

If that sounds good to you, please help save the whales and buy a weplica womb instead.

Wenting a womb is also a possibility but much more expensive.

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How do I get out of this #%$&@! thing!?

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Never mind, I figured it out. You have to leave head first!

The Frito Bandito Would Love This Post

If you read the comments for the previous post, you'd have found that my friend got an iPhone for xmas. Another friend was planning to get his kid an iTouch. Another kid wants an iPod. Someone else bought themselves an iMac.

I caught an iCold, which iSucks and I've slept quite iLate. I still plan to do a little iWork today but first I'll have some iCereal, then drop an iDeuce and take an iShower.

This post is so annoying I want to gouge out my own iEyes.

iSigned,
iJay

Why Is AC/DC Playing In My Head?

I was going to write a piece about my sack but I haven't got my hands on it yet. I'm still waiting to hear those magic words: I've got your sack right here. (Even funnier if I name my sack Paul Revere.)

I expect my sack to be very comfortable (perfect for one or two people). I'll mostly use my sack while watching TV but also while eating or reading. Unlike the guy in the video, I think I'll keep my sack in the living room as opposed to dragging it around everywhere I go.

That's about the most disturbing video I've ever seen.

My Monkey Towers Above All!

As you may remember, I shot my monkey onto the steps of my apartment and predicted 10 hurricanes this season and, amazingly, this was correct!

There were 6 Atlantic hurricanes and 4 Pacific hurricanes. Who would have thought that playing with my monkey could reap such rewards! It's even better at predictions than my Magic 2-Ball.

With A Vacation Like That, Who Needs Enemies

I don't often remember my dreams. Almost never actually. But I do vaguely remember one from a few days ago in my parents' house.

I had given someone a gift of some sort and they yelled back at me, "CHEAP!"
It was a pretty nice gift and as I tried to point this out to them they once again yelled, "CHEAP!"
I was a bit offended and also stunned. Before I got to do anything else, "CHEAP!"
I began to get mad, "Keep your voice down."
"CHEAP!"

"CHEAP!"

"CHEAP!"

I awoke at 4:20am. "CHEAP!" What the hell is going on? "CHEAP!"

It was a smoke detector whose battery had died. One of the last times I visited I had replaced all the batteries.

Except one that the ladder couldn't reach.