If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Yes Virginia, That Is A Potato

This is the most horrific thing I've read in a long time.

[...]a Cornell University horticulturist thinks he has the answer: Get the flowers a little tipsy with some hard liquor.
Time to call a spade a spade. This guy should change his title to whore-ticulturist. I've heard plenty of stories about what goes on up at Cornell after a little excess alcohol but this is the worst. What is he going to do with these plants after getting them all liquored up? Clearly, he will be deflowering them. And some of these plants are not even a year old! It makes me so sick, I want to switch to strict carnivorism.

Worse, alcohol is just a gateway drug. Next will be GBH, the date palm rape drug and who knows what else (if you do, send them in, I'm out of ideas).

Every day in America, how many vegetables are used for sexual purposes without their consent? The numbers, as well as the shapes and sizes, would astound you! I call for a Constitutional Amendment prohibiting people from giving drugs or taking sexual advantage of plants including fruits and vegetables. I would however make an exception for Michael Schiavo.*

* - Uhm, let me apologize in advance for this tasteless joke.

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