If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Or Maybe Some Apricot Scrub

Not long ago, someone related a story to me about how they were blocked from leaving work by someone checking their BlackBerry. I empathized. (Who wants to be at work longer than necessary?) A similar thing happened to me this morning, so now I also sympathize. (I'm probably using "empathize" and "sympathize" wrong but the good news is nobody, not even Webster, seem to understand the difference.)

To get into work from where I park I have to walk through a push-door, walk up a flight of stairs, walk through a pull-door, walk 10 feet, walk through an electronically controlled turnstile, walk 2 feet, walk through a turn-lever-push-door, walk 12 feet, walk through a pull door and then either walk 20 feet, through a push-door, up a flight of stairs, 8 more feet and through a turn-lever-pull-door OR I can delay this last part until I'm closer to my cubicle. Are you still with me?

Given the distances between all these doors, a trap is created. If someone who walks slower than you ends up in front of you, you can't get around them. However, the real trap is if they are just behind you. Now politeness requires that you hold every door open for them. You just can't get away from them (except occasionally on the stairs if they're pretty slow).

You think I'm the only one that feels trapped? Take the example of the guy who practically gallops up or down the stairs, then stands there, holding the door, while you slowly make your way. Then you feel bad for making this guy wait for you! It's insane!

But back to this morning. I'm just coming through the turnstile and I'm stuck behind this guy checking his e-mail on his BlackBerry. It is frickin' freezing and we are one door away from warmth. I'm partially stuck in the turnstile because there's really no room to go elsewhere. Normally, it would take me one second to get inside from here. It takes us about ten. I'm then blocked from getting to the next door for another ten seconds.

"Hey Blackhead! Move it!" (Since crack addicts are crackheads, I assume BlackBerry addicts are Blackheads.) I really wish I would have said that. This guy really put the dic in addict. If he stops farting around he can be at his desk in less than a minute answering his moronic e-mails. (Yes, I know they were moronic because I know the guy is in Marketing.) Anyway, he headed towards the nearby stairs so I headed the other way.

What I need is a company-sized Biore' strip to remove all these Blackheads.

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