Cold Pudding

Cold update: All remnants are just about gone. I'm only coughing up what appears to be banana pudding. A few days ago it was lumpy beef gravy, then butterscotch pudding, then turkey gravy. Hmmm, I'm getting hungry.

I note all this as I lay in my room listening to some neighbor's wretching sounds reflect into my room. It started with a good chchchchchcht, ptoo. After several of these it has now morphed into actual wretching. Hhhhchchchchchrrrrrrllllp, ptoo. Ptoo. I hope it stops soon. I don't feel like getting up to close the windows.
It finally stopped. That was a good three minutes of hocking and wretching. It was making me nauseous.

Oh, wait. After a few minutes break they are back again for two final hocks. That's got to do it.

Sorry. I really thought that was it but after another couple minutes of break there was one more. I'd feel foolish predicting that to be the last one. I might have to miss my train waiting for more...

For Bitte Or Wurst

Did you ever get kicked the head? With an iron boot?

No. Of course you haven't. Nobody has. That's a stupid question.

I have plenty of stories but not the time to tell them right now. I hope later to add some.

A tidbit: on the trip from Haarlem to Garmisch (10+ hours) I noticed this: The terrain from the train is mainly quite plain. (Stop groaning, I thought that was pretty snappy.)

Wait'll We Get Our Hanes On You

Didn't I just say that might be last post for a while? Then here's a somewhat ironic post.

Last Friday Sara Lee (the cake people) spun off Hanesbrands (the underwear people). There was much celebrating.

Hanesbrands Inc.'s top executives and headquarters employees held a kind of corporate pep rally -- their second of the week -- Friday morning at the company's Winston-Salem headquarters. [...] [The Executive Chairman and CEO both] praised the work of employees and told them their efforts to strengthen the company's brands, optimize its supply chain and be innovative would be key to the company's success in the future.

Yesterday, Hanesbrands announced the closing of 3 factories and 2200 layoffs.

Unannounced was that the laid-off employees would have to exit the buildings through a 4 foot tall door. As employees leave, they will receive a Mini Dickmann, inserted directly into their rectum as symbol of top managements' regard for them.

Those nearing retirement age will receive the larger, Super Dickmann.

Where To Eat In Düsseldorf

This will be more of an informational post to help those travellers heading to Düsseldorf.

If you are looking for classic German food the previously mentioned Zum Schiffchen is the place.

If you get tired of pig knuckles, Schnitzel and Wurst, I heartily recommend Bim's Marktwirtschaft (don't look for the word Bim's, though, we didn't see it anywhere) which serves delicious Mediteranean-style food and, as a bonus, you can get English menus. Our server also translated the specials for us.

I had the gnocchi special which had long, skinny mushrooms and pumkin slices in a tasty sauce. It was delicious but too much to finish. My colleague had another special which was a large, nearly bocce ball size cut of pork covered in spinach and some kind of chopped nuts, all surrounded by a pastry crust. Similar to Beef Wellington except with pork instead of beef...and spinach/nuts instead of mushrooms...but these are minor trifles. It was surrounded on the plate with gnocchi in a Gorgonzola sauce. Spectacular! Bring a healthy appetite.

Despite our being full, we stopped of at Pia for Eis (ice cream). I don't know why but ice cream is ridiculously cheap here (the entire city). 50 Euro cents for a single scoop cone is normal. Try a double scoop for 1 Euro, Schokolade und Banane.

Don't know if I will have Internet access over the next week but if I do there will surely be posts. Auf wiedersehen.

Dummkopf?

True story, though I cannot reveal names or places.

A person I know very well (Person A) received an email from someone (Person B). Also copied on this email was Person A's manager (PHB). PHB considered the information useful to their entire department.

What happened next?

1. PHB forwarded the email to their entire department.
2. PHB rewrote the email before forwarding it in order to take credit for the idea.
3. PHB sent an email to Person B asking them to forward the email to PHB's department.

Which boss do you have?

If I had to come up with one word to describe each of these bosses, I think I'd go with "reasonable" or maybe "rare" for #1. "Assh*le" or "weasel" goes with #2. I'm drawing a blank on a single word for #3.

The answer, by the way, is #3.

Waschsalon

Since I'm on business for so long, I get to do laundry. Here's some sample prices for the hotel's laundry service (all in Euros) :

• shirt 5.00
• T-shirt 4.00
• underpants 3.00
• handkerchief 1.50
• jeans 7.00
• pair of socks 3.50

And I thought 17 Euros a day for Internet service was ridiculous. I don't care that my company would pay for this, I actually find these prices offensive. I asked where I am working about finding a laundromat. Well, that wasn't much help as he didn't even know the German word for laundromat. I eventually figured it out, found one using Google Maps and had scoped the place out Sunday when I ran.

If it's Tuesday, it must be laundry night. Before getting on the tram (the place was about a mile and a half away) I put my wallet and all my coins into a pocket that had a velcro closure so nothing would fall out. I got to the place without any issues.

The place was pretty full...of clothes. Not many people around though (it was a bit warm to hang out in the place). I set about deciphering the instructions.

All the machines were centrally controlled. You could also buy soap at this same central location...somehow. I waived a few people past me and tried to watch what they were doing but they were too fast. I stared vacantly at Central Control (CC). A big guy sitting nearby asked me something-in German, of course-and I asked if he spoke English.

"Yyyyyyessss," he replied in that distinctly German way. He explained how to operate the machines. Put your clothes and soap in first, select a cycle (he explained 3 of the 5 available as colors, lights and faster), close the door, go to the CC and insert your money (for one load, serving of soap, 10 minutes of drying, etc.) and press the number or letter of your machine. Then go back to your machine and press the starting button. Simple, ya?

While waiting, I found the cost of the advice was 30 minutes of talking with this guy about travel and such. Most Germans are not very talkative/open; maybe the term I'm looking for is warm. As a contrast I would pick Hawaiians as the other end of the spectrum. Anyway, some Germans (and even more ex-pats, I think) when they find someone who is willing to talk, seem to gorge themselves on conversation. For me, these people are like oasis in the desert.

Thirty minutes later my 2 loads (colors and lights) were done. Well, not quite. Seems I didn't put the soap in correctly and so the soap got stuck by the door until the final spin when it got all over my colors (lights were fine). I restarted the load, this time going for "faster" and put the lights in the drier for 20 then another 10 minutes.

By now, my helper friend had finished his laundry and headed home. I went to sit on a chair outside and read my book. Clink, clink, clink. Well now. After using the CC, I put the change in my pocket; my "not the pocket with the velcro" pocket. The chair I sat in was on top of a grate. Great. I believe I donated 3.50 to the whoever-fishes-money-out-of-the-grate-in-front-of-the-laundromat charity.

I guess I'll put this on my Expense Report as Werfischtgeldausdemrostvordemwaschsalonwohltätigkeit.

* - whoever fishes money out of the grate in front of the laundromat

A Night In The Life

We set off for dinner around 7:15 this evening. I had a few places marked on a crudely drawn map and we ended up at Im Füchschen. This was the same place I ate the "freshly slaughtered pig" the last time.

We had one Alt while trying to decipher the German menu. After another half an Alt I went and got the English menus from the waiter. Now, you'd think that after asking for menus, then asking again for English menus, that the waiter might have an inkling that you want food. After a total of about 40 minutes without getting our order taken, we paid our tab and left. I think Im Füchschen is pronounced, "I'm f*cked then" or there abouts.

We ended up at Zum Schiffchen. They had Frankenheim Alt, which is not as good as the Füchschen but the service actually existed. I order the grilled pig knuckle. I don't really know what this is but I'm guessing it's the knee. It is large, about the size of a Chiuaua...maybe bigger. It's a man's meal for sure. When I ordered it, the waiter gave me a knowing look...like I knew what I was doing.

Just as an aside, they had an appetizer that was something-schmaltz and bread. The English translation: lard with bread. I kid you not.

Anyway, I ate most of the pig thingy which came with sauerkraut and fried potatoes. Excellent and recommended for those with a hearty pig-eatin' appetite.

On the walk back to the tram, through an open window three floors up we heard, in a high pitched, German accented voice, "ooh, ooh.....ohh, ohh, ohh.....ay, ay, ohhhh....ay, ay, ay, ay...." and on and on.

I wondered if they had a mechanical bull in there.