That's So Touching

If you're flying somewhere and get picked for a "pat down" it is always performed by a person of the same sex. Clearly the reason for this is that most women don't want to be groped by men earning $7.15/hour (have the pat downs done by people earning pilot salaries and things might be different). On the other hand, the airlines would actually be a good investment if every man flying was guaranteed a pat down by a woman.

"You got anything in your pants I should know about?" [insert obvious male stereotype joke here]

What if the patter was a lesbian? I would think that less women would be comfortable with that. On the other hand, if they patted down men, the TSA would need to review its rule on carrying more than 3oz. of fluid. A store on the secure side of the terminal that sold men's underwear and tissues would clean up.

Similarly, with kids. Nobody wants to see some guy touching their kid. Ever notice how many men work in day care? Exactly! In our world, all men are pedophiles until proven otherwise (i.e. they're dead).

So the TSA should be hiring only straight and lesbian women as patters. Straight guys could read the X-rays. This would be just like the Xbox and PS2 games they are experts at. And gay guys could look through your suitcase and repack all your crap. [insert obvious gay stereotype joke here]

It's either that or the machine that sees through clothes.