If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Choose Your Poison: Snakes Or God On A Plane

The guy sitting next to me is on his cell phone explaining the what he used to think "fear of God" meant and what he now thinks it means. Previously, he was afraid of going to hell. Now, he "understands" that "fear" means "reverence". He has repeated this at least 15 times.

His wife (I assume) has just joined him and he's off the phone. Now, he's explaining this same concept to his wife.

I am saved!

...by the boarding announcement. First is Zone 1.
Guy (to his wife): What zone are you?
Wife: I'm zone 4.
Guy: What zone am I?
Wife: You're zone 6.
Guy: What zone are you?
Wife: Zone 4.
Guy: And I'm?
Wife: Zone 6.
Guy: Why are we in different zones?
[editor: I'll tell you why. Because you're annoying. You are so frickin' annoying that your wife, who was mysteriously missing while you explained your "fear", pretended to go to the bathroom, snuck through security and changed her seat so that she wouldn't have to listen to for the next hour and a half. Here's an idea: Instead of finding God, find a topic of conversation that might be interesting to a listener. Failing that, just be quiet.]
Wife: I don't know.
Guy: They must load the aisle seats first, then the window.
[Clearly, this guy is some kind of genius.]
{Now boarding Zone 4}
Wife: That's me.
[Wow, did she move quick!]

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