Dumber Than A Gas Pump

Some nearby gas stations have started selling gas about $0.40/gal cheaper than everyone else. Since I needed gas, I decided to take advantage. Unsurprisingly, there was a line at the station; not like a 1970's gas line but still a line none-the-less.

There were 8 pumps at the station. At first people were sharing nicely with those entering from one side using the first 4 pumps and those entering from the other entrance using the last 4 pumps. Then someone had to be a dick and everybody had to choose a pump to line up behind. I became the second car waiting at pump 8.

Eventually the current pumper finished, shook off the end of the hose, and left. The guy in front of me moved into position and I creeped ahead. He got out of his car and stared at the pump for a bit. I think he may have been reading it. Maybe he couldn't believe the prices or thought there was some kind of catch? He stood there for a good 15 seconds accomplishing nothing and I felt like Nancy Kerrigan. Finally he walked inside, I assume to pay cash. I did not see any other person go inside while I was at the station.

He returned and opened his gas cap. He stared at the pump a little more and chose the "regular" nozzle, inserting it in his car. He squeezed the handle and nothing happened. And then he stared at the pump again. And stared. And started.

In hindsight, I know what his problem was. There were 3 nozzles at the pump: regular, mid and premium. Next to the mid and premium nozzles was a red square clearly printed with "Press to Start".

The regular nozzle had a red square with a worn out middle. Who knows what it might have said? "Press when finished." "Press for emergency." "Press you friggin' idiot!" How long did it take this guy, who is apparently licensed to drive, to figure out how to start the pump? I was just about to get out of my car to start it for him.

Now, the boy genius can't figure out to get the handle to lock in the "on" position. He tries several methods which couldn't possibly work before deciding either: to just give up or that the thing must be broken [which it wasn't].

He must have paid for a certain amount of gas because even though the handle has "popped", indicating the tank is full, he keeps releasing it and pulling it. Pop. Release. Pull. Pop. Ok, you get the idea. I counted 30 not including all the ones I missed before I started counting or after I got tired of counting.

Finally, he replaced the nozzle. Put his gas cap back on. Gave the pump one more stare and got into his car.

And sat there, futzing with something before eventually leaving.

Fortunately, I drive so little I won't need gas again for about a month.