Say 4 Our Father's and 978,485,322 Hail Mary's

$660,000,000 for 500+ cases of abuse. The exact distribution to be based on time and severity of the abuse.

Maybe something like:

• fondling: $20,000
• forced to blow a priest: $100,000
• blown by a priest: $20 (this could really add up though)
  
• toss a Holy salad: $2,000,000
• f**ked in the ass by a priest: $1,000,000
• f**ked in the ass by a lawyer: 40% of all that money you made...the hard way

This calls for my favorite lawyer joke:

Q: Why do lawyers always wear neckties?

A: To keep the foreskin from rolling over their heads.

I bet all those priests are walking around with thumb drives, too.