If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Friday, December 15, 2006

At Least It Didn't Rain, Man

Yesterday was our holiday party. Something like 80% of the people in our division attended. Reason most often given for attending: "If this company is giving me something for free and all I have to do is go, I'll take it."

20% of the division did not attend. Reason most often given: "Mingling too high a price to pay."

Welcome to the Asperger Holiday Party, where everyone arrives, talks to the same people they talk to all day, every day and then goes home--almost like there wasn't a party at all.

Did I mention the door prizes? Since our company can't afford to give all its workers a holiday gift of some sort, they had about a dozen items ranging from a $25 gift certificate at Panera Bread (oh please, oh please, oh please!) up to a 32" LCD TV. Given the stampede out the door after the last prize was called, I'd guess most people came just for that.

The other good prize was a DVD/Home Theater System. Unlike the TV, they actually had the box for it at the party. After the guy won and filled out his paperwork (I'm assuming he's going to see that thing show up on his W-2) he started to carry the box off. Our big kahuna division manager/emcee started cracking what I assume were meant to be jokes.

BK: Do you need any help carrying that? I'll carry it for you.
(no response)
BK: It'll fit in my car. I can drop it off at your house.
(no response, the guy is just walking away with the box)
BK: Look at this guy. He doesn't even turn around and pay attention.

The guy was just about to pass me by and I swear I saw him mouth something that looked like "What a d*ck." But, to be honest, it might have been "F*ckin' dick."

As everyone was piling out of the parking lot after the Asperger party, I thought, "Well, at least there won't be any accidents because we're all excellent drivers, yeah, we're excellent drivers."

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