Can I Fondle Your Subcinctorium?

Jews who are barely religious fast every year for Yom Kippur. No food, no water, no nothing from sunset of one day until sunset the next day. Muslims fast for a whole month during Ramadan. No food, water, smoking or sex from sunrise to sunset of each day. And, of course, there are several other religions that fast for various reasons.

Often the reason is some kind of generic penitence. Maybe you sold a carton of milk after its expiration date. Or maybe you looked at some Internet p*rn. Or maybe you're a lawyer. Whatever your sin, throw it in the Hopper of Redemption and you're all clear.

So, it should not be surprising that a preacher in the Vatican has called for "worldwide day of fasting" to "publicly express sorrow before God and solidarity with the victims."

I have a feeling that most of the abuse victims probably don't think that quite cuts it. A few might say it's a good idea until they found out you said "fasting" not "fisting". Ah well, they can dream, can't they?

Fortunately for those that remain in the Catholic Church, supporting pedophiles and their accomplices and acting as enablers by handing over their money, the new Pope is taking the hard line on this sort of behavior.

Last May, he disciplined the elderly Mexican founder of a Roman Catholic religious group who had been accused of sexual abuse, ordering him to retire to a life of "prayer and penitence."

Ooooh, snap!