A Christmas Story

No lighters. Here we go again. Why do people always bring lighters to the airport? Don't they know all the rules?

On the other hand, I am prepared. I have all my liquids in my zip top bag, out and ready to go.

TSA: That toothpaste is too big.
Me: huh?
TSA: I know there's hardly anything in it but the tube is too big.
Me: wha?
TSA: Do you want to take it back and check it.
Me: Uhm, no, just chuck it.

Then he eyes my deodorant. A daymare overcomes me as deodorant is banned from planes. That would be enough, the last straw. Americans will put up the pat downs and the cavity searches but we will not put up with-The Stink. What are we anyway? French?

TSA: Your bag is too big.
Me: My bag?
TSA: You're only allowed a quart-sized bag.
Me: Isn't that quart-sized?
TSA: No. This is a gallon. (he weighs it in his eyes) At least.

Now I'm getting nervous. The bag only holds my deodorant. Is he going to make me throw it away? If so, can I ask to use it one more time because I'm feeling a little sweaty. Is that White Christmas playing over the PA or the theme from Midnight Express?

I got off with a warning.

Arriving in Florida, I went with my parents for the traditional Christmas Eve dinner.

Chinese food.