A Study From Heaven

A study measuring the effect of prayer on surgical recovery has just been completed.

Researchers randomly assigned patients to three groups: One group was prayed for; one was not prayed for; and a third group was told that people were praying for it. None of the patients in the first two groups knew whether people were praying for them. Among patients who didn't know that they were being prayed for, 51%-52% had a post-surgical complication, according to the study. A statistically significant 59% of those who knew others were praying for them had a complication

Yes, you read that right. The group who knew people were praying for them actually fared worse.

These patients may have felt extra stress because they weren't allowed to tell doctors and nurses that they were being prayed for, says Charles Bethea, chief medical officer for the Integris Baptist Heart Hospital in Oklahoma City and a leader of the trial. Or, he says, they may have worried, "Are they so sick that they are calling in the prayer team?"

But there is a much more obvious answer. Remember that we are dealing with prayers to the Great and Powerful Oz here. Being omniscient, He knows about the study. Being omnipotent, He can impregnate anyone in the study. Clearly being worried about becoming pregnant has caused the increase in complications. Duh! Take that you heathens! Repent!