If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Is Everything Really Better With Blue Bonnet On It?

Just about anything is better with chocolate. Peanuts. Raisins. Bananas. Pancakes. Sex. Pretzels. Milk. Even beer (well, Kölsh beer, at least).

Here's one thing that's not on that list. Kimchi. If you're not familiar with this Korean dish, it is most often cabbage fermented in a solution of salt, garlic, scallions and ground (hot!) peppers. If you've never tasted it, imagine sauerkraut with Tabasco mixed in. Got it? OK, now add a lot more Tabasco and you've got an idea.

And so, it was with great trepidation that I approached.
Yes, you read that correctly. Kimchi Chocolate. A more foul combination I cannot conceive. [Wait! Peanut Butter Fish Milk Cheese! Yeah. That is much worse.]

After eating my lunch I opened the package. The tiny square was scored for four pieces. I broke one off and popped it into my mouth.

First, the chocolate sucks. Worse than Hersey's. It is grainy and hardly has any chocolate flavor. Next, a weird off-taste hits. Maybe it's the sourness. It doesn't last long. Then I swallow and that's when the peppers hit. Holy syphilis that burns! Yuck!

Now comes the hard part; trying to convince everyone else at the lunch table to try it. Wusses! I even ate a second piece of that chocolate barf.

Finally, someone took a square, cut off a tiny bit and ate it. They went through some histrionics and nobody else dared try any.

I went back to my desk with the one square I had left. As I approached my cube, I saw one of my cubemates engaged in conversation with my manager. I walked over to the two of them and said, "Anybody want a piece of chocolate?" Without even looking at my cubemate, I quickly added, "Oh, I've only got one left," and I shoved the rancid browness directly in front of my manager. He greedily took it with his small rat-like hands and gobbled up the offering. I turned away, trying not to laugh too loud.

"Thanks, Jay. That's pretty good," was his initial response. A few seconds later came, "Oh my! That's different! Spicy!" And he quickly left the area. Heh heh heh.


DeborahSmith said...

How exactly is it that you come upon these whacky, crazy foods?? I mean this stuff just looks weird...

talljay said...

Well, first, the picture on the package is of Kimchi. Inside, it just looked like a regular chocolate bar.

This particular weird food was found by someone else, who apparently thought, "Hey, I bet Jay would eat this!" But I also seek this kind of stuff out - like when I was in Germany.

Anonymous said...

Nice touch giving it to the big...umm...little guy. Could not have happened to a nicer person!!!


Anonymous said...

Damn FU$#@%@^ING keyboard

Tim - got it right that time

talljay said...

I thought you were changing to a Polynesian name.