If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

You Won't Hear David Doing This One

(to be read in David Attenborough style)
In the bathroom earlier today I happened upon a newly evolved "courtesy flush".

The courtesy flush we are all familiar with could also be known as the stench flush. When you drop an exceptionally putrid bobber, showing it the way home as soon as possible makes for a nicer environment for anyone who is not olfactorilly impaired. In many ways, the courtesy flush is itself an evolutionary step beyond the timed Squirt-O-Scent. But another feature of the courtesy flush has now been exploited...it's the sound. (insert flushing toilet whoosh here)

Perhaps, life is not agreeable lately. Perhaps the cafeteria was serving navy bean soup. Whatever the cause, the explosive percussive sounds of human defecation can be quite embarassing to some. Apparently embarassing enough to cause some, even though they are hidden in their floating-wall fortress, to feel the need to drown out the sound (whooosh).

And we'll study all of this in the next episode of The Bathroom Habits of Humans.

UPDATED! Yet another evolutionary path has been discovered only very recently. He has been named the cuckoo for reasons which will soon be apparent. This one is dealing with the same sound issue but in a different and, in many ways, more economical manner. Like the cuckoo bird who relies on other birds to raise its young, this one relies on others to produce the auditory cover he so desperately needs. The chap at the nearby urinal is oblivious to what is about to take place. In his stall, the cuckoo listens intently for the telltale sound of the last shake. Only exquisite timing and control can pull this one off.

Unfortunately, the shake habits vary so greatly from one chap to the next that invariably that the expulsion frequently meets with no cover of sound. Sadly, and perhaps due to this poor adaptation, the cuckoo appears unable to find a mate and his genetic adaptation appears headed for Darwin's survival-of-the-fittest toilet.

2 comments:

cluefairy said...

I have a friend who has to hum while she goes to the bathroom in a public restroom. Weird.

talljay said...

cf - Let your friend know that a hummer on the toilet is also known as a blumpkin...course that's a different kind of hummer.