If you're looking for the funniest stuff, I suggest starting with the Steve, Don't Eat It Homage and then the travel category. You're on your own with the older posts that have yet to be categorized.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

I Come In Faith

I'm carrying a bag from Target when I notice the warning label. I've seen it before but this time I really took notice.

WARNING: To avoid danger of suffocation, keep this plastic bag away from babies and children. Do not use this bag in cribs, carriages, beds or playpens.
The first line is trying to prevent lawsuit by people with no common sense. The second line is trying to prevent lawsuits by people too ignorant to know that cribs and playpens are associated with babies and children.

And maybe, like me, you're thinking: Lawyers! F*cking lawyers. God damn lawyers.

Then it hit me. It's not the lawyers; it's the religious nuts. But they're not nuts. They're ignorant and unquestioning in their faith. Carbon dating is flawed. The world has only been around for 5000 years. Touching the flesh of swine is an abomination unto God...well, until 2000 years when God changed his mind. The theory of evolution is just a theory and an incorrect one at that. Says so right there in Genesis.

These are the kind of people who would puts bags in cribs for their babies to play with. Without those warning labels there would be a lot less zealots making more zealots. But that would be bad for the churches, because they make a living off the zealots ignorance. The churches, however, are not lead by ignorant zealots but by con men. These con men know they need as many zealots as possible so they got some lawyers (probably Jewish lawyers) to sue everybody about bags, hot coffee or wearing your seatbelt; anything that common sense would normally protect against, they wanted to be doubly sure.

It's a brilliant plan. Keep those zealots reproducing while all the negative crap gets blamed on lawyers and Jews.

Now you'll excuse me, I've got a case of the hiccups.

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